Wish You Were Here by Barbara Shoup

Author:Barbara Shoup
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: fiction, teen
Publisher: North Star Editions
Published: 2011-08-23T04:00:00+00:00

twenty–seven

I spent the whole night there. They’ve cut back on his morphine, like the doctor said they would, and as the drug wears off, Dad grows restless. Once his hand comes loose, and he reaches for the tube in his throat. When I catch it and hold it, he struggles against me until the nurse comes and fastens it down again. I can still calm him by talking, but I’m so tired I can’t concentrate enough to tell any more stories. I just keep telling him where he is, what’s happened. I say, “It’s me, Jackson.” He makes guttural sounds, trying to speak in spite of the tube, but I can’t understand him. “They’ll take it out in the morning,” I say. “If you do everything you’re supposed to do, they’ll take it out in the morning. Dad, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” I say these things so many times, they begin to sound like something I’ve memorized, like a prayer.

Finally, he sleeps. I try to doze off myself, get some rest, but I can’t make the pictures in my head go away. All day, I’ve been trying to make Dad remember happy, funny times we spent together. Now all I see is sadness. Dad’s things in cardboard boxes in our yard, Dad loading them into Tom’s pickup truck, climbing in himself, pulling away. Mom and I watching from the window. Those first empty weeks and months after he’d gone.

“You’ll get used to it,” Brady said.

That seemed worse than missing him. It still does. How could I actually get used to life without my dad?

It’s after seven before night begins to drain from the window. It’s a gray day outside. I can see people moving around in the slushy parking lot below. Cars creep along the street: people on their way to work, I guess. I’m mesmerized by the traffic light. Green, yellow, red. Green, yellow, red. I don’t know how many times I watch it change before Mom and Kim appear in the doorway of Dad’s room, sleepy and disheveled.

Dr. Marshall arrives at eight thirty. He studies Dad’s chart and consults with the nurse in a hushed tone. When they’re finished talking, he turns to us and says, “I’ll have to ask you folks to step out for a few moments. We can remove the tube, as I hoped. It won’t take long. If you’ll wait in the lounge, I’ll come in and let you know as soon as it’s over.” The nurse pulls the curtains on the window that looks out on the hall and closes the door behind us.

When the doctor comes to tell us everything is all right, Kim bursts into tears. She covers her face with her hands and takes a few deep breaths, trying to get herself under control. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “Crying at good news—”

“It’s okay,” Mom says, and puts her arm around her.

When she calms down, we go back to Dad’s room.

He’s still in the neck brace—he will be until they’re absolutely certain his head’s okay—so he can’t move.

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