Trigger by Susan Vaught

Author:Susan Vaught [Vaught, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA Childrens
Published: 2006-01-18T16:00:00+00:00

chapter 14

Sunday felt new and happy, even though it was raining.

I woke up early and smelled eggs. Eggs and biscuits and unhealthy bacon. Probably gravy, too.

Mom was cooking!

No oatmeal. No toast. No Kool-Aid glue. Hallelujah. This might be the best day since I came home. Yesterday was pretty cool, too. The movie was fun, and I ate lots of popcorn to keep from saying idiot things and upsetting Mom. It worked. She stayed calm and shiny all through eating dinner out and coming home. She even said nice stuff to Dad about how he was dressed and about the brochures he brought from the conference.

Now I was about to get a real breakfast.

I couldn’t get my arm and leg braces off fast enough.

J.B. didn’t even open his loud mouth until I was tugging up my shorts. Of course, when he did, he tried to ruin my morning.

You haven’t looked in the box yet. You need to look in the box.

“I went to the movies with Mom. Box. Note. I mean, I don’t want to look in the box. If there’s a note, I don’t want to read it.”

Yes, you do.

“Do not. Frog farts. These laces aren’t so springy now.” Maybe Dad would change them for me. Or Mom. She might not get weird about springy shoelaces since she was cooking breakfast. If she was cooking breakfast, she had to be happier. “Blue laces. Maybe yellow this time. New laces. Shoelaces.”

That sort of rhymes. You’re a genius.

“I’m a five-year-old genius. But I’m trying harder, and sometimes I focus. Sometimes I slow down and get it right like they taught me at Carter. And I’m eating with cheerleaders and doing my homework and wearing my braces every night, so maybe I’m six now, or seven. I think I’m a little older, at least. Shoelaces. Not so Big Larry. Not so selfish.”

J.B. laughed while I did my best to tighten my shoelaces even though they weren’t so springy.

You’re still selfish. His voice changed a little, got higher pitched. You’re so self-centered I bet you think I’m mad at you …. Remember that, genius?

“Not listening to you.”

That was a lie. For a second, I saw faces again. Girl faces. Yelling in girl voices. Self-centered. So self-centered.

Humming to make J.B. shut up and keep the faces away, I grabbed my memory book but didn’t open it. Inside was the list with two numbers still not crossed off. If I opened the cover and flipped a few pages, I knew exactly what I’d see.

1. Maybe on drugs.

2. Did something awful I felt guilty.

3. My life sucked.

4. Heard voices telling me to off myself.

5. Parents really brother and sister/aliens/abusive.

6. Elana Arroyo—ask Todd.

I did something awful and felt guilty, and Elana Arroyo. Sooner or later, I had to get Todd to talk to me.

Maybe you did something awful to Elana Arroyo. Maybe that’s why you keep remembering her yelling at you. Maybe you did something really awful. Ask Todd. He’ll stuff your teeth down your throat.

The cover of my memory book was dirty.

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