This Is Where the World Ends by Amy Zhang

Author:Amy Zhang
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-02-03T16:00:00+00:00

after

DECEMBER 5

Dewey is reaching for me and he is missing, his voice in my ear. He spits fuck shit goddamn at me, and the moment splits: us, here now, and also not us, not here.

Dewey’s fist is slamming into my jaw, his voice in my ear telling me to never fucking talk to him again.

His eyes are all pupil and the fire is burning higher in them.

I am falling but also already on the ground, and the smoke is thick and my glasses are shattering and Dewey is on top of me. His spit is flying and splattering on my face.

“You asshole.” He says it like he means it. “You asshole, you little fucking asshole. You piece of shit, you actual fucking piece of shit—”

And me on the ground. I look up at him through smoke, so much goddamn smoke, and seeing my blood on his knuckles, his hair in his eyes, blue eyes eclipsed by his pupils.

A memory within a memory: I shouldn’t have said that.

I should have kept my fucking mouth shut.

And then—pain, searing but dull. Focused but everywhere.

Here, now, my head hits the ground.

The impact shakes the memories loose, and they come back in floods.

Helium on her breath. Her voice rising higher as I wondered if it was okay that it turned me on.

Janie climbing the Metaphor. Arms spread wide as I squint and try to find where her hair ends and the trees begin.

The sky and fireworks. The secrets and elements.

She climbs into my bed. We huddle under the covers. The air is humid with her sobbing.

Wings. I remember the wings, I remember them burning. A fire, a different one.

Janie pulling on my sweatshirt and transfering her rocks, her markers, her matches into its pockets.

They come, they fall, faster and faster.

Anything, everything: they’re almost equal, but not quite.

I have always needed her more than she needs me.

“Goddamn,” Dewey gasps in my ear. We’re on the ground and the night is dark and I’m cold, I’m freezing. “Goddamn it, Micah, goddamn, we’re getting out of here.”

He drags me to my feet, and I sway.

“She declared an apocalypse here,” I tell him.

“Good for her. Can we go?”

“Right. Go. Barn. We have vodka in the barn. We’re out of champagne, though. We drank it all that night. Didn’t mean to.”

I am swaying from the memories. Dewey hitting me Janie sobbing fire burning. Drink, drink to forget.

“No, not the barn, we’re fucking going home—”

But I’m stumbling toward the barn already, Old Eell’s where there are ghosts. Ghosts. Janie’s ghost? Maybe.

Maybe we drank here too much. We had a stash in the winter to keep warm. And in the summer, to stay hot. That’s what she said, anyway.

“Micah, will you just hold on—”

I push the barn doors open and almost fall over. I see the blurry shape of the boat and remember the treasure hunt, remember how easy that was. How she was waiting. How I always expected her to be waiting. Needed her to be waiting.

“Micah, please—”

“Back here,” I say, stumbling in the dark to the rusty tractor.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.