The Waiting Room by Mary Morris

Author:Mary Morris [Morris, Mary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-80995-7
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2012-02-08T00:00:00+00:00

PART

FOUR

STREET

OF DREAMS

Gander

December, 1967

Dear Zoe, I have this memory of you, but I don’t know what it means and wonder if you remember it as well. I am sure you don’t and maybe it never happened. But I’m lying face down in the snow and I’m wrapped in this snowsuit—blue I think—and I remember I have to go to the bathroom, but I am lying there, like somebody frozen. I’m little, tiny in fact, and you are trying to arouse me. You shake me and try to drag me like a dog, but I play dead and don’t move. You grow panicky and shake me more and more, but I still don’t move and I learned this is the way to drive you mad. I know now that I was only testing you that day. That I wanted to prove you care for me. I want you to prove it to me again now. I have other memories like this as well that are so alive in my mind, so clear that I don’t know what to say about them. I see you all the time in my dreams as if you were my lover, not my sister. But I carry this rage inside of me and it’s as if I’m playing dead with you again. Because you drove me across this border, for which I am grateful, but then you didn’t look back. And in a way it is as if I am dead, as if all of us on this side of the border just don’t exist anymore, and I keep thinking you’re going to shake me and drag me home. How could you let this happen to me? How could you never turn around? If there’s one thing I’ll never forgive you for, that’s it. Badger

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