The Trinket Wife by Brenda H Sedgwick

Author:Brenda H Sedgwick [Sedgwick, Brenda H]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BHS Books
Published: 2019-12-30T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 13

The funeral feels like a rushed affair. It’s attended by so many people who have known my family, especially Mum, and the work she and Dad did to support the residents of Beaulieu and the New Forest. Aunt Kathryn has done most of the organising, as I’m not emotionally able. I made the flower arrangements for her coffin, using lilies and roses - her favourite blooms. There’s comfort in the thought she’s with Dad. Poems are read;

Your ties with this world are broken.

Your voice, your touch, forever gone.

In my memory I can hear you,

Speak to you.

I turn and you are not there.

The space your being has left behind,

Is filled only with emptiness.

I want my love to cross our divide –

And be with you for a while,

In the way only we understood.

Muffled crying moves around the church.

There’s only family and friends at the crematorium and I like that - no intrusions from outside. I wish every day could be without the crashing in of other people’s lives. Right now, I’m vulnerable and I have nothing to give, but life goes on. I want to stay here in my grief and not be disturbed - tomorrow I must plan the trip to France.

Today I indulge myself with the company of Des and the children, before going for a walk with Trainer. He doesn’t talk, but he’s just there: a constant friend. We pass the square patch of bare grass where the marquee was. Should I have gone to the hospital? Was I selfish at the end of her life? I was having fun when my mother died. I make a vow to myself and Mum, “I will honour your memory. I want Pipers, to be a fitting memorial to you and Dad.” Is this an empty vow?

I will be in France for a week. Des has a full calendar of golf tournaments and he wants to get on and do up Ivy Cottage. That was the plan for Mum’s new house before she died. It’s something we need to discuss - it doesn’t belong to the brothers! Even though Mum didn’t live there I still want to keep control over it. Toby must also be kept in the centre of what’s going on. With the need for the purchase of Pipers to go smoothly come January, everything must be done to keep the peace.

Richard said to Des, “When the purchase is complete I won’t care a shit about Toby. I want Pipers and who knows, Svetlana and I might live there.” I shivered at the thought. I visualize the situation – he’s in the manor - my family home; I am working in the ice cream parlour in the garden. No way is that going to happen. Bet he would hang a large self-portrait up, in the entrance hall.

Jonathan is dropping me at the airport then returning to uni, leaving Natasha in the village. I ask what he thinks about her - he isn’t forthcoming. He strokes his new car, before we get in.

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