The Spy's Little Zonbi by Cole Alpaugh

Author:Cole Alpaugh
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: satire, zombie, iran, nicaragua, jihad, haiti
Publisher: Coffeetown Press
Published: 2013-10-22T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

An old macaque monkey had the perfect view of the commotion in the valley. He was far enough away that the exploding bird-things didn’t feel threatening. He’d brought two handfuls of sweet berries to his favorite spot on the knoll and was enjoying the warmth of the sun on his fur and munching away when the shit-covered humans were spit from a hole at the bottom of the mountain. It was an odd surprise added to the other ruckus and he wanted to hoot and cheer, but his back had been aching, so he stayed still and sniffed the wind. The nasty smell reached him on the breeze that blew harder when the big metal things with spinning wings caught fire. The monkey put the berries down in a little pile, careful that none rolled away. Maybe later, he thought.

The monkey liked most humans. They left food cans outside their homes for his family to rummage through in the morning sun. Some yelled and threw sticks, but were slow and didn’t bite. Humans were mostly harmless.

The exploding bird-things were something the monkey had never seen. They had flown into the belly of the giant metal creatures then bounced around all crazy and upset, trying to get back out. Then, boom, boom! The noise was exciting and there was a time when the monkey would have jumped up and down and yelled boom right back. But not now. He watched and his mind wandered.

The monkey picked a beetle from the back of his pink ear and chewed. He thought maybe the bird-things might be food makers inside the mountain. They acted the same as the big swarm he’d found inside a tree a long time ago. He’d followed the sweetest scent ever up the rotten wood, stuck his hand inside the hole with all the flying bugs. He’d pulled out a sticky treat that tasted like ripe bananas and warm flowers. But then the bugs began biting. First one and then a dozen had hurt him, tormented him with their angry buzzing and chased him to the ground. They’d come from every direction, biting at his ass, shoulders, and even his tail. He had run screaming for his family.

These exploding bird-things brought the memories of the awful bugs flooding back. It had hurt to lie in his nest, to sleep, to be scratched. He’d been miserable for days. Watching the hubbub continue to unfold, he scratched at the small lump on his right butt cheek, a spot the biting bugs had made bleed, that had become hot and throbbing even as he had crouched in the river. He leaned over and snatched a small stone to keep next to the berry pile, just in case.

Orange flames seemed to eat the big metal creatures, made them fall over dead and hollow. That the bird-things didn’t seem to want to hurt the humans was very curious and gave the monkey an idea. Could it be because the humans knew to rub shit

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