The Shakespeare Codex (Modern Plays) by Terry Pratchett
Author:Terry Pratchett [Pratchett, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2024-01-06T00:00:00+00:00
Act Two
Scene One
Granny Weatherwax is on. We hear Ridcullyâs message again, fading in from the Interval music. Shawn Ogg enters and starts to read the message out loud. As he does, the recorded Ridcully version fades out.
Shawn Ogg (walking across the stage) âTo Mistress Esmerelda Weatherwax . . . How are you? I am fine. An interesting problem has arisen, and Iâd be grateful for your input. This is a message from Mustrum Ridcully. As you know, we are on Roundworld, inside the universe which currently sits on a desk in the Library of Unseen University . . .â
By this time he should have reached the âdoorâ and knocked.
Granny Weatherwax (she picks up a large pine cone and makes as if to throw it) I warn you â Iâm fed up with you lads always on the earâole for three wishes . . .!
Shawn Ogg Itâs me, Mistress Weatherwax! I wish youâd stop doing this!
Granny Weatherwax See? You ainât havinâ another two!
Shawn Ogg No, no â Iâve just come to deliver this for you . . . itâs a semaphore message from Ankh-Morpork for you, Mistress Weatherwax! Itâs only the third one weâve ever had!
Granny Weatherwax (taking the paper from him) Whatâs one oâ them things?
Shawn Ogg Itâs like a letter thatâs taken to bits and sent through the air.
Granny Weatherwax By them towers I keeps flyinâ into?
Shawn Ogg Thatâs right, Mistress Weatherwax.
Granny Weatherwax (short pause as she starts to read it) They moves âem around at night, you know.
Shawn Ogg Er . . . I donât think they do . . .
Granny Weatherwax (bridling) Oh? So I donât know how to fly a broomstick right, do I?
Shawn Ogg (quickly) Actually, yes, Iâve remembered . . . They move them around all the time . . . On carts. Big carts. They . . .
Granny Weatherwax Yes yes. Be quiet now.
She reads.
âTo Mistress Esmerelda Weatherwax. How are you? I am fine. An interesting problem has arisen, and Iâd be grateful for your input . . .â
She skim-reads through the fairly long message.
Ha! Silly old fools think they canât see the wood for the trees, and the trees are the wood!
She skim-reads a little more.
Hmpf. Cost a lot, does it, sendinâ messages like this?
Shawn Ogg That message cost more than 600 dollars! I counted the words! Wizards must be made of money!
Granny Weatherwax Well, I ainât. How much is one word?
Shawn Ogg Five pence for the sending and five pence for the first word.
Granny Weatherwax Ah. Iâve never been one for numbers, but I reckon that comes to . . . sixpence and one half penny.
Shawn Ogg (with almost no pause) Thatâs . . . right.
Granny Weatherwax You have a pencil?
Shawn hands it over. She writes one word and hands him the paper.
Shawn Ogg Thatâs all?
Granny Weatherwax Long question, short answer.
She turns away from him. Shawn holds out a hand for the money.
Granny Weatherwax Was there anything else?
Shawn Ogg (realising he had better not push the money thing â or ask for his pencil back) Er .
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