The Red Ledger: 8 by Meredith Wild

Author:Meredith Wild [Wild, Meredith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Waterhouse Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Gunshots ring out, a distant sound that penetrates the thin walls of our tent. Someone’s probably going to die tonight. Maybe one of them. Maybe one of us.

I can’t remember what day of the week it is. It never matters here. All I know is I can hardly remember what home feels like. The house is gone. Mom’s gone. Home doesn’t even really exist for me anymore.

I roll onto my back and stare into the darkness. I should pop a few of the sleeping pills all the guys have been relying on to get through the nights and knock myself out. Even if there weren’t a war going on outside, thoughts of Isabel make it impossible to rest.

I got another letter from her today. I read it in private so no one would give me shit about it. I even tried to catch her scent on the lined paper. What I would give to have a day with her. Hell, an hour.

The distance between us is agony. She feels it too. She tries to sound upbeat, but I can read her sadness between the lines. Her truth. How many days of missing me can she endure? How many can I? Once this tour is over, they’ll station me somewhere for a while. Maybe California, maybe somewhere she’ll never want to live. I try to imagine her being part of this life, but I can’t. I really thought one day we’d get married, maybe have a family. But the stories the guys tell, tales of betrayal and people growing apart, are a constant reminder of all the ways this can go wrong.

Things change. People change. We’re both rolling the dice that this can last or that I’ll even live through this sprawling war that has no end in sight. If I don’t, how much time will she have wasted waiting for me to come home?

It’s never going to work.

I can’t stop saying it in my head. The more I say it, the more I believe it.

I sit up, sneak out of the tent, and head for the main tent. A couple of people on the B shift are hanging around watching TV, not caring what I do. I swipe a notepad from one of the desks and sit down to write Isabel a letter.

It’ll be the last letter she gets from me. I promise myself this as I search for the right words. The best words. I won’t drag this out. I won’t make her wonder if we can find a way to work it out. For her sake, she needs to believe it’s really over.

Even as I figure out how I’m going to destroy any lingering hope she carries for our future together, I cling to some of my own. Maybe when I’m out of the military, I’ll be in a better place. Financially, emotionally. Maybe we can try again if she hasn’t fallen in love with someone else.

The mere thought of someone else having her love makes me hurt everywhere.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.