The Real Thing by Tom Stoppard

Author:Tom Stoppard
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grove Atlantic
Published: 2017-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

ACT TWO

SCENE V

Henry and Annie.

Living-room/study. Three doors.

Two years later. A different house. The two years ought to show on Henry and on Annie. Perhaps he now uses glasses when he is reading, as he is at the beginning of the scene, or he may even have grown a moustache. Annie may have cut her hair short. Opera (Verdi) is playing on the record player. There is a TV and video and a small radio on Henry’s desk, on which there is also a typewriter. Henry is alone, reading a script which consists of a sheaf of typed pages.

Henry reads for a few moments.

Annie enters from bedroom or kitchen and glances at Henry, not casually, then sits down and watches him read for a moment. Then she looks away and listens to the music for a moment. Henry glances up at her.

Annie looks at him.

ANNIE Well?

HENRY Oh—um—Strauss.

ANNIE What?

HENRY Not Strauss.

ANNIE I meant the play.

HENRY (Indicating the script) Ah. The play.

ANNIE (Scornfully) Strauss. How can it be Strauss? It’s in Italian.

HENRY Is it? (He listens.) So it is. Italian opera. One of the Italian operas. Verdi.

ANNIE Which one?

HENRY Giuseppe.

He judges from her expression that this is not the right answer.

Monty?

ANNIE I mean which opera.

HENRY Ah. (Confidently) Madame Butterfly.

ANNIE You’re doing it on purpose.

She goes to the record player and stops it playing.

HENRY I promise you.

ANNIE You’d think that something would have sunk in after two years and a bit.

HENRY I like it—I really do like it—quite, it’s just that I can’t tell them apart. Two years and a bit isn’t very long when they’re all going for the same sound. Actually, I’ve got a better ear than you—you can’t tell the difference between the Everly Brothers and the Andrews Sisters.

ANNIE There isn’t any difference.

HENRY Or we could split up. Can we have something decent on now?

ANNIE No.

HENRY All right. Put on one of your instrumental numbers. The big band sound. (He does the opening of Beethoven’s Fifth.) Da—da—da—dah …

ANNIE Get on.

HENRY Right.

He turns his attention to the script.

Stop me if anybody has said this before, but it’s interesting how many of the all time greats begin with B: Beethoven, the Big Bopper …

ANNIE That’s all they have in common.

HENRY I wouldn’t say that. They’re both dead. The Big Bopper died in the same plane crash that killed Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens, you know.

ANNIE No, I didn’t know. Have you given up on the play or what?

HENRY Buddy Holly was twenty-two. Think of what he might have gone on to achieve. I mean, if Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at twenty-two, the history of music would have been different. As would the history of aviation, of course.

ANNIE Henry.

HENRY The play.

He turns his attention back to the script.

ANNIE How far have you got?

HENRY Do you have a professional interest in this or is it merely personal?

ANNIE Merely?

Pause

HENRY Do you have a personal interest in this or is it merely professional?

ANNIE Which one are you dubious about?

Pause

HENRY Pause.

ANNIE I could do her, couldn’t I?

HENRY Mary? Oh, sure—without make-up.

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