The Pot Thief Who Studied Pythagoras by J. Michael Orenduff

Author:J. Michael Orenduff [Orenduff, J. Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Suspense
ISBN: 9781892343307
Publisher: Dark Oak Mysteries
Published: 2009-02-10T00:00:00+00:00

“This one won’t make you drowsy,” he said to me.

Usually you can’t find anyone to help you, which in this case would have suited me fine, but instead I had the world’s most attentive pharmacist. He had on a white lab coat with a nametag identifying him as Brian. There were no other customers and I guess he was bored. I had told him I wanted to browse, but he insisted on assisting.

“That’s not the one I’m looking for,” I said.

“Oh,” he beamed, “you have a specific brand in mind; why didn’t you say so? I can find it in a jiffy.”

“I don’t remember the brand name,” I told him.

“Do you remember if it made you drowsy? Because there are two general classes of allergy medicines, drowsy and non-drowsy.”

“All I remember is it was a spray.”

“We have a few of those down this way,” he said as he moved along the aisle. “Not as many as we used to have; most people prefer tablets.” He seemed disappointed I didn’t want tablets.

“Do they? Well, I want a spray.”

“How about this one? It’s particularly good against the sorts of pollens we get this time of year.”

“No, that’s not what it looked like. It was in a plastic bottle.” Actually, I had no idea what sort of allergy spray I was seeking because I’ve never bought one in my life, but I did know I wanted a plastic spray bottle and one with an allergy spray label on it would suit my purposes well.

I was about to give up and try another store.

“This one?” the clerk said, holding up a spray bottle of the sort I wanted.

“That’s the one,” I said.

“You know, I can’t recommend this brand; it’s really just a saline nasal spray to moisten the sinus membranes. That helps, of course, but it’s not really going to fight antigens.”

“That’s O.K.; I’m a pacifist.”

He looked at me warily. “What I’m saying is this one is not very effective.”

“Well it worked for me when I used it before, so I’ll just take it.” I reached for the bottle, but he held it away from me.

“It also has benzalkonium as an additive, and there is some evidence to suggest it may cause birth defects.”

“It’s O.K.,” I said, “I’ve taken a vow of chastity.”

“You’re a priest?”

“No.”

He hesitated for just a moment and then said, “Oh.”

He didn’t make any move to hand me the bottle, and I wondered how rude it would be if I just picked another one off the shelf. Maybe it would anger him and he would refuse to ring up the sale. Since he was the only employee in the store, that would leave me with no option other than shoplifting, and I really had in mind starting my criminal career in a more spectacular fashion; i.e., by getting a pot from a museum.

Finally he said, “Do you want the small bottle or the large one?”

“The large one, please.”

He seemed even more disappointed that I was buying the large one.

After the drugstore, I went to a tattoo parlor.

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