The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Christopher K Germer

Author:Christopher K Germer [Germer, Christopher K]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781606233863
Publisher: Guilford Publications
Published: 2009-02-15T05:00:00+00:00

LIKE A PRAYER

There are similarities between loving-kindness meditation and prayer. When I asked a client of mine how his metta practice was going, he replied, “This is easy. I already know how to do my prayers.” Some people ask, “Can I pray to God when I wish for happiness and freedom from suffering?” The answer is “Yes, of course!” Anything that cultivates loving intentions is metta practice. But there’s a catch.

I knew a woman, Paula, who suffered from hepatitis and prayed constantly to be relieved of her illness. Paula told me, “I had nothing but disappointment, so I just stopped praying.” Eventually she discovered metta practice and took to it enthusiastically, mainly because she could feel the love of prayer without the trap of expecting her life to change. Metta taught her surrender—surrender of the outcome of her efforts. Traditional prayer can be of two types: surrender (“Thy will be done”) or outcome (“Please heal this disease”). Metta helped Paula discern that it’s possible to hold a wish (“Dear God, may I …”) without a demand (“… get cured of my hepatitis!”). Surrender-type prayers don’t assume that we know what’s best for us or how things should be done; they’re an inclination of heart rather than an effort to control or manipulate an outcome. In other words, we’re holding our situation and desires a little more lightly.

When Prayer Is Avoidance

Robert Zettle and colleagues from Wichita State University wanted to know whether accepting pain makes it easier to bear. Using scores on a questionnaire, participants were grouped as either experience avoid-ers (“Anxiety is bad”) or nonavoiders (“I’m not afraid of my feelings”). Both groups were then asked to put a hand in a tray of cold water (40 degrees Fahrenheit) for up to 5 minutes. Researchers measured how long participants could keep their hands in the cold water. Afterward, participants filled out a questionnaire describing what they were thinking during the experiment.

As predicted, the nonavoiders could tolerate the cold water much longer than the avoiders, even though both groups were equally sensitive to pain. Avoidant people used unhelpful mental strategies such as catastrophizing (“It’s terrible and I feel it’s never going to get better”) and prayer/hoping (“I pray for the pain to stop”). In short, people who can accept the experience of pain, without praying that it will go away, can endure pain for longer periods of time.

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