Breakup Bootcamp by Amy Chan

Author:Amy Chan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dey Street Books
Published: 2020-10-09T00:00:00+00:00

BLAMING VERSUS ACCOUNTABILITY

“Accountability? He cheated on me and left me with nothing! Why would I be accountable when he did this to me? I gave him everything.” Megan, a fifty-five-year-old mother of three boys, couldn’t grasp the concept of reframing. Her husband of twenty-nine years told her he wasn’t in love with her anymore and wanted a divorce. Megan internalized that as something being wrong with her. She even went on a new diet, hoping that by getting fit she’d be sexually attractive to her husband again. It wasn’t until she told him she was going to initiate a deposition that he finally came clean that he had been having an affair and was leaving her for someone else.

Megan had done everything a “good wife” should do. She sacrificed for her family, supported her husband’s business, and put her career aside so she could raise the children. She gave and gave. And after three decades of giving, she felt blindsided and bitter when her husband left her. Two years after the divorce, she found herself at Renew, hoping she could find an end to her pain.

She couldn’t forgive. She refused to.

With compassion, I offered some feedback: “Megan, the lying and betrayal that occurred at the end of the relationship are inexcusable. I’m not taking away how painful that must feel, and you have every right to feel that. But you’ve suffered long enough, and blaming him does not make the pain go away, nor does it relieve you from it continuing to haunt you.”

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