The Messy Truth About Love by CL Walters

Author:CL Walters [Walters, CL]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9798985032536
Publisher: Mixed Plate Press

18

My Heart Insists It’s Really Over

* * *

I’m not afraid of Sebastian, but I can’t get what Seth said out of my mind either. You can’t know, Hannah, as much as you’d like to be sure you know someone. He’d walked me to my car and leaned in to say it, after I’d insisted that there wasn’t anything to worry about. I’m not sure who I was really trying to convince. Seth’s right. He’s speaking from experience. He’d been hiding a huge secret behind the smile he wore to school every day.

Thinking of Seth makes me tuck my chin into the collar of my jacket and smile a secret smile as I walk across campus from my car to class. Walking into the kitchen with him there, coffee brewing, made my insides liquify. He’d sat on the stool, his gray t-shirt stretched across his shoulders, his phone pressed to his ear, his eyes brightening when he saw me. I think about his hands against my skin, about kissing him, wanting him.

I climb the stairs into the building, go directly to my class, and sit through a lecture about the Philosophies of Education with a focus on Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development. I’m in and out, my mind traipsing back to the night before with Seth, and each time it does, it’s as if little fairies are running through my body leaving footprints under my skin.

Five dates.

I glance at the clock on my phone counting down to when I can see him again, as if it will make the five dates pass faster. There’s a text notification.

It’s from Sebastian: I’m sorry about last night. I overstepped.

I flip the phone over my desk face down, feeling as if I have whiplash. Yes, you fucking did, I think.

My first impulse is to text Seth, but I check it. It isn’t because I want to keep it from him, but there’s a line between Seth as my friend, and Seth as someone I want more with, which is very clearly the case. Sebastian looms like one of the inflatable marketing tubes, whipping back and forth at car lots between Seth and me, and I don’t want him to be there.

I ignore Sebastian’s text—it’s easier—and text Jewel instead: Sebastian showed up last night.

I set the phone back on my little desk, face up, knowing Jewel went straight to work from Portland. She’ll text me when she can, so I’m surprised when I see the three dots.

Jewel: WTF?!?

About what I figured her response would be and type: Are you on a break? Don’t worry. Seth was there.

Jewel: Did they throw hands?

Me: LOL. No hands thrown. I told Bash to leave. Seth stayed.

Jewel: [big eyes] Oh. He did. The night? Hmmmm. I don’t want any of the nasty straight-ass deets. [wink face]

Me: No deets. Just kissed.

Jewel: What? Such restraint. Good at least?

Me: You said you don’t want deets. Yes.

Jewel: [grossed out face]

Me: You home tonight?

Jewel: Why? You going to invite your bootie-call over?

Me: Jewels. [eye roll]

Jewel: LOL.

Me: Sebastian texted me again today.

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