The Meaning of Birds by Jaye Robin Brown

Author:Jaye Robin Brown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2019-02-12T16:00:00+00:00

23

Then: Surrounded by Birds, a Pair of Binoculars in Your Hand

I wanted a date. A point in time that I could circle on the calendar with stars and hearts and exclamation points. “What about our anniversary?” My hand, which was desperately trying to sneak beneath the drawstring waistband of Vivi’s favorite cotton pajama bottoms, was being blocked at every entry point.

“Cliché,” Vivi said. Then she grabbed my hand and pushed it away. “You’re being sort of annoying.”

“Fine.” I opened my hand flat against the sweet curve of her stomach.

We shifted, lying nose to nose on the couch at the lake house, our legs twined like vines. Every part of me was alert with want. Our intimacy had grown over the past ten months, from subtle touches of hands, to sweet soft kisses, to kisses that felt like Vivi was engulfing my soul, kisses that burned and awakened parts of me and left me aching for so much more. Vivi, on the other hand, was not ready for anything below the panty line.

But, our one-year anniversary was coming up and I hoped that maybe, since it was such a monumental occasion, I could finagle some consent. “If that’s cliché, then why not keep going right now? Your parents are gone for the day.” I snugged Vivi closer so there was no space between us, and pressed the lower half of my body tight against her. Vivi let out the tiniest breathy cry.

I kissed her hard then, hoping she could feel the trueness of my love mixed in with the desire. I imagined my lips were hands, pressing and cupping and pulling back to the gentlest feather touch, then diving back, mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue. Vivi responded with her body, arching into me, gripping my hips and opening her mouth to take my wild need until she abruptly pulled away.

“Stop.”

“Stop?” I wanted to cry. My lower extremities were on fire and it was all I could do not to stick my hand down my own damn pants and finish what I’d started.

Vivi scooted up on her elbow. “I don’t want to risk my parents coming home. I want it to be special. Okay, maybe cliché. I want a whole night. Time and space for it to unfold and be beautiful and if we’re going to be together forever, why is there a rush?”

I spiked between hurt and remorse. “I’m sorry. I . . . It’s just, you make me crazy. Your kisses carve tiny pieces of me and coat them in glitter or gold dust or that perfect organic raw sugar you love so much.”

Vivi grinned. “Perhaps you should consider a career in poetry if the art thing doesn’t pan out.”

“Will it get me any further?”

Vivi’s eyes darkened in a rapid flash.

I squeezed her hip. “I’m kidding, Vivi. Kidding. I’m okay with waiting.”

“We’re barely sixteen.” She traced my lips with her finger. “What if we do go further? What if it messes up what we have? My parents aren’t prudes but one of the things they both talk to me about is how sex changes things.

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