The House of Blue Leaves and Chaucer In Rome by John Guare

Author:John Guare [GUARE, JOHN]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: DRA001000
ISBN: 9781468307825
Publisher: The Overlook Press
Published: 2012-12-18T00:00:00+00:00

SARAH: Pol Pot?

MATT: Idi Amin?

FATHER SHAPIRO: Anyone can be forgiven. It’s all in the attitude.

PETE: God is a softie.

FATHER SHAPIRO: That’s what I don’t like about God. I like a harsh God. A good old-fashioned punishing God. An eye for an eye. I liked it when everything was a sin. Oh! To let your hair down!

MATT: What kind of sins do they want forgiven?

FATHER SHAPIRO: Ask yourself first—what is sin?

SARAH: The Seven deadlies—I can’t remember—

FATHER SHAPIRO: Pale gas.

PETE: Pale gas?

FATHER SHAPIRO: Pale: Pride. Avarice. Lust. Envy. Gas: Gluttony. Anger. Sloth.

FATHER SHAPIRO, PETE & SARAH: Pale gas.

MATT: Add ‘C’ for cancer. This cancer is a sin. I’m guilty of cancer.

SARAH: You don’t believe that. Disease is not a sin.

PETE: He had cancer. Do you have special prayers for that?

FATHER SHAPIRO: Please. Go to a therapist.

MATT: If I crawled to the four churches and said the required prayers, would I be allowed to paint again the way I want?

FATHER SHAPIRO: Saints can do things like that. I hate saints.

PETE: He’s better than a saint. He’s an artist.

MATT: A painter.

FATHER SHAPIRO: What are you doing in Rome? Go to Milano. That’s where the scene is. Gianni and Marella Agnelli took me to the new galleries in Torino. I was at the opening of the Guggenheim in Bilbao! I blessed Bilbao! You know Frank Gehry?

MATT: No.

FATHER SHAPIRO: Oh baby, get thee to Bilbao.

MATT: I’m in Rome.

FATHER SHAPIRO: Well. Maybe there’s hope. They are building a new modern art center here designed by Zaha Hadid, the Iranian architect out of London. A fabulous woman. You know her? A gas—

MATT: Please.

FATHER SHAPIRO: I went to L.A. to bless the Getty! Does Steve Martin have any of your work?

MATT: No.

FATHER SHAPIRO: He will now. Let me introduce you to him! Steve comes to Rome. I take him to Piperno’s for the artichokes!

A GRIZZLED PILGRIM appears in the door on crutches and yells at FATHER SHAPIRO.

GRIZZLED PILGRIM: I stole money to come to Rome so God would forgive my sins. Why would God put me in a bus crash before I got to the fourth church?

FATHER SHAPIRO: God works in ways that we don’t always understand. You want to read something nice? Read the Book of Job. Wonderful story—

FATHER SHAPIRO slams the door on him.

Excuse me—these pilgrims—the attitude—Look at you! Young people! Wonderful! Here’s my card at the Vatican press office. Marriages. Annulments. I got an exorcism at four. At six p.m. yet again, the Holy Father’s apologizing to the Jews. Whatever you want. Call me. I’m good to know. Would you like to come to the Pope’s mass at seven a.m.? Only a hundred people invited everyday.

SARAH: No no—

PETE: Thank you—we’re working.

MATT: Father? I have to tell you I don’t believe in God.

FATHER SHAPIRO: I have to tell you that is so refreshing.

FATHER SHAPIRO blesses them and goes. They adjust the chairs, two in front of two. Bright music.

A cabdriver aka IL TASSINARO appears and takes the driver’s seat. MATT and SARAH sit in the back, PETE sits next to the driver.

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