The Further Adventures of An Idiot Abroad by Pilkington Karl

Author:Pilkington, Karl [Pilkington, Karl]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780857867490
Publisher: Canongate Books
Published: 2012-09-19T23:00:00+00:00

As the boat made its way towards the glaciers the director pointed out big chunks of ice that had broken away and were floating about like little pontoons. He was telling me that some of these glaciers are millions of years old, but I can’t get excited about old ice. Ice is ice. You never see someone on Antiques Roadshow turning up with a block of ice for a reason. When things get into millions of years old I struggle to get my head round it. Ricky and his girlfriend bought me and Suzanne a fossil of some fish that is dated at 35 million years old. It’s a bit older now, as that was two Christmases ago, but there it is just sat next to the Nintendo Wii.

As the journey went on, the amount of ice in the water increased. Big chunks the size of a Mini Cooper rolled and broke up as the waves hit them. The director wittered on about how if all the glaciers melted, coastlines could get flooded. I think this is why we are now advised to drink more water every day. They recommend at least two litres a day now, maybe this is to try and get rid of some of the water. Thinking about it, bottled water must solve some of this problem. When I was a kid there wasn’t such a thing as bottled water, whereas now there’s gallons of the stuff in warehouses ready to be sold, so that must help a bit. Like I said, I think I do my bit towards saving the planet, but I think we’ll always have to change and some stuff will die out. I’ve said it before about the dodo. They went extinct, and we carried on. Ricky moans at me, saying that everything has its job and its place, but I don’t think it does. I recently read there is a koala bear that sleeps 22 hours a day! Now, unless it’s running round doing stuff like a blue-arsed fly when it’s awake for them two hours, I struggle to see what that is contributing to the world. It must be groggy for at least 40 minutes when it first wakes up, which leaves an hour twenty, which it probably uses to make a fresh new bed for its lazy arse.

Like I said, I save energy ’cos I don’t think it’s good to waste anything. The standby light on the TV could go, as it’s using energy. Instead of having adverts telling us to make sure it’s off, why don’t they just get rid of it? The light in the fridge could go (we don’t have them in freezers), use by dates make people throw stuff away when it’s perfectly fine, and we’re encouraged to buy new instead of getting things repaired. I would also put a stop to Christmas crackers and Kinder eggs, as the amount of crap they bring onto the world is unbelievable. That’s all the stuff that ends up in landfill.

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