The Blind by A.F. Brady

Author:A.F. Brady
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harlequin (UK) Ltd.
Published: 2017-10-18T04:00:00+00:00

DECEMBER 27TH, 11:22 A.M.

Richard has been sitting in my office for almost a half hour yet it feels like he just walked in. I see him reading his newspapers, but I suspect he’s pretending. I’m terrified that he can somehow see through the walls of my skull and is looking inside my thoughts and he knows what happened. I can feel my psych eval in my desk blaring this diagnosis at me, and all I want to do is slam my drawer shut over and over again until it shuts the fuck up.

Everything I have known forever is no longer relevant. I’m looking out of new eyes, and I’m listening out of new ears, and I’m pounding new fists into the desktop, and I’m crying someone else’s tears, and I’m wiping someone else’s face, and I’m noticing Richard noticing me, and I’m hoping all of this is a dream.

“Did you get some bad news or something?” Richard sounds disgusted as he says this. “Are you sick?”

“Sick? No. No, Richard, I’m not sick.”

“You look sick. You look like you need some help.” He folds down the corner of his paper to look at me as he says this.

“Thank you. I’ll look into that.” I pull away from him and collapse into myself.

“You don’t have to be scared of me,” he says. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I’m not scared of you. Do I seem to be scared of you? Do I seem to give a shit what you think of me? Do I?”

I’m holding my forehead. I’m not even trying anymore; I’m letting the truth hit me like a barrage of bullets and I don’t know how to fake it. This is not about him, but he’s in the path of a speeding train and is going to have to be the collateral damage.

“You give a shit about something,” he says. He isn’t fazed by my outburst. He has seen this somewhere before, clearly. He isn’t worried that his therapist is unraveling in front of him. “It’s okay, you know. You don’t have to have it all together all the time.”

“Of course I do,” I somberly respond. “My job is to have it all together. My life is supposed to be together… I am supposed to have everything together.”

I can’t stop the tears from flowing. I can’t stop the liquid snot from falling out of my left nostril and gliding down my chin. I can’t stop my chest from heaving in erratic rhythms, or the veins in my forehead from coming to the surface like they’re trying to break free. I can’t stop my fists from clenching and unclenching like if I do it enough everything will go away.

I can’t control myself, and I can’t stop Richard from seeing this. The collar of my button-down shirt is wet and it’s sticking to my neck and I can’t stand this sensation. Richard is politely shutting the fuck up, and all I want is for him to leave so I can throw up in my garbage can.

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