The Best Women's Monologues from New Plays, 2020 by Lawrence Harbison

Author:Lawrence Harbison
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Applause
Published: 2021-02-18T00:00:00+00:00

THE HUNS

Michael Ross Albert

Dramatic

IRIS, mid-30s

A break-in at a hip, urban tech company has serious repercussions for the company and its staff. IRIS , the office manager, attempts to lead a conference call to discuss the burglary but tensions escalate and accusations begin to fly, until IRIS herself is implicated in the crime. She lashes out at her coworkers in self-defense.

IRIS You’re hilarious. This is, like, actually insane. You think I’m so deranged that I…? That I’m capable of…? You know what? I wish I had done it. A person can only take so much before they take a crowbar to the doorframe, or throw a brick through a window, before they become a barbarian. Every time I walk through this open concept office, no matter what floor I’m on, I hear everybody laughing at me. Even if they’re not. Laughter is how we make social bonds. I walk by, people snicker to themselves, or to one another, and they think I don’t hear. Laughter reinforces status. And in this office, it serves as a reminder that I have none. Nobody reads my emails, nobody takes my conference calls seriously, and someone always drinks my almond milk, even though I put my name right on the box. Everybody laughs in my face. But who’s laughing now? Right? No one took me seriously, no one thought they needed me around, and now Gen-Seven is ruined. I think I wish I did it. Because if I had to choose between the culture we created in this office and the savages breaking down the door, I have a hard time deciding which one I’d pick. Which one’s worse? You tell me.

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