The Becoming of Noah Shaw by Michelle Hodkin

Author:Michelle Hodkin [Hodkin, Michelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

24

HAVING DISCOVERED FIRE

CURRENT MOOD: DAVID FOSTER WALLACE meets Amy Winehouse.

Mara was sleeping when I got home from meeting with Stella. I could’ve woken her, confronted her that night, and we could’ve fought about the secrets she’s kept and the lies she’s told.

But then, I would have to confess too.

Careful not to wake her, I climbed into bed beside her, but couldn’t close my eyes. When she woke up the next morning, I acted like nothing was different. Though everything was.

How could I have it out with Mara when I’ve been the one avoiding the truth—whatever that is—this whole time? And whatever is or isn’t happening now, with the suicides, I’m certain, positive, that Mara isn’t to blame.

So I’ve defaulted to doing what I do best: nothing. Jamie’s been gaming, and Goose has been going out. Mara’s started drawing again. She’s been writing and drawing. I have no music in me.

Daniel’s rather aggravated by the state of my affairs when he shows up at the loft days later. “We need to talk,” he says. He’s caught Jamie and me mid–Duck Hunt, shooting at the projector with an orange gun lifted out of the ’80s and dropped into our flat. It makes an annoying-yet-satisfying plastic click.

“What about?” I ask as a pixelated bird falls to the pixelated grass. It’s incredibly satisfying—I’ve become rather addicted.

“Your inheritance.”

That turns even Jamie’s head. Mara’s in the shower, and Goose has decided to brave the Gowanus Whole Foods to procure provisions for a grand dinner party that exactly no one has asked him to throw.

“I want to explore the archives,” Daniel says.

“I’m having the building demolished and turned into a community garden,” I say without turning away from the game. “Next topic.”

“Then you’re either an idiot or selfish.”

“That’s a rather strong and unnuanced position,” I say evenly, and aim the gun at the screen.

“Because it’s that important. Can you put down the gun, please?”

“If I must,” I say, laying it on my lap.

“Look, everything David Shaw did and had other people do is in there. All the research and tests and results—”

“Precisely,” I say. “And you managed to break in and start going through it. How long until someone else does? Maybe someone else already has. We’re obviously not the only Carriers in this city.”

But Daniel’s not keen on letting this go. “So what? Maybe there’s something in there that would help create a cure—”

“Isn’t that what Kells was trying to do?” I look at Jamie. “A little help, here?”

“Hard pass,” Jamie says, turning back to the game.

Daniel leans his palms on the kitchen counter. “If there’s a chance it’ll help us find out how to keep whatever’s happening to the others from happening to you guys, we can’t afford to ignore it.” I notice the shadows under his eyes, the strain around his mouth.

“You’re worried about Mara,” I say.

“Aren’t you?” His voice is almost accusatory. Almost.

More than you know, friend. “Of course,” I say. “But I don’t think the shit my father did to her—to all of you and Jesus fuck knows whomever else—is going to help.

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