Soulmate Sequence: Your Guide to Mastering Social Confidence and Finding The One by Richard La Ruina

Author:Richard La Ruina [La Ruina, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: azw
ISBN: 9789994904389
Publisher: RLR PUA Ltd
Published: 2018-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

Offer Them an Illusory Choice (Double Bind)

An illusory choice is when you give the other player a choice where both options discreetly impose an agreement over some bigger question, meaning that really, the player has no choice that matters. Like asking your buddy, “Do you want vodka or gin?” which assumes he wants a drink at all. An enduring wish of human beings is to feel in control and not dictated to. Give them lots of options, therefore, and they feel a satisfying power – often, they don’t really notice that the choices we offer them bear little relation to the outcome.

Let’s put the moves on that lazy friend who tediously says no to all the fun stuff:

“Got any plans for the weekend?”

“No.”

“Oh, so you’re free Saturday, great! I remember you said you wanted to try climbing but each time I‘ve asked you, you’ve been busy. So this Saturday’s the day, I know you haven’t tried but you’ll absolutely love it, and don’t worry about finding the place — I’ll give you a ride and lend you climbing shoes. When should I pick you up, at three or four?”

“Erm … four I guess.”

“Great! See you at 4!”

This is a simple version of illusory choice, just using the time, but still assuming that they’re going without directly asking them, with a final question that leaves no room for a no.

“How’s your search for Mr. Right going?”

“Not so great. A few Tinder dates, but they all felt a little weird.”

“Well I guess you know that you just need to be out there and socializing more right?”

“Yeah I know that ...”

“It really is usually better to meet a man in real life than online, right?”

“Sure, it’s just hard.”

“I agree it’s hard, I was like you two years back, remember? So here’s the plan, then: you come to this house party with me Friday, definitely going to be some good guys there. We see how it goes, and if it’s not really happening we bail out early. D’you know what you’ll wear?”

“Ermm I do have that new black dress …”

“Yeah black’s great, so it starts at eight, I’ll text you mid-afternoon and we’ll work out when to meet up. It’s so wicked you’re coming with me!”

That customary trekker of “no-paths”, the pessimist who should break out of his antisocial funk, can in fact easily be coaxed, but you just can’t do it using a direct question that leads to “no”. Your strategy needs to get them to agree to a general course of action by presenting it without easy “no-paths”, and then offering some illusory choice that makes them commit to the course of action with a false sense of their own power … a power which really only covers some small detail.

By doing everything you have learned so far, your dating life would have automatically improved, but now let’s look at the specifics that will help you succeed in dating.

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