Shades of Blue (Part Two of The Loudest Silence) by Janae Olivia

Author:Janae, Olivia [Janae, Olivia]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Heartsome Publishing
Published: 2017-12-01T16:00:00+00:00

8

By the end of January, Kate wasn’t so sure her plan to leave the fate of their relationship in Vivian’s angry hands had been a wise one. There had been no phone calls, no messages – nothing. As a matter of fact, Kate rarely saw Vivian now. When they were a couple, Vivian had managed to stop in on most rehearsals and every performance, either with official business or with business that seemed more like an excuse. Now, her business at rehearsals had dried up or she was conducting it from her office on the opposite side of Millennium Park, far away from Kate. The few times she had seen her had been from afar, and Vivian had behaved as though Kate hadn’t been in the room, never looking up or acknowledging her in any way.

By the end of February, Kate was sure she had made a mistake by not just throwing Vivian over her shoulder and claiming her for her own.

Depression was edging into a resigned gray feeling as her life began to pick up a normal pace again. Valentine’s Day came and went in a stumbling drunken blunder of a night. She and John, ever the good friend, had tucked Max into bed and then drank their weight in whiskey. Kate, more obsessed with it now than she ever had been, played that blue Miles Davis album on repeat, her mood growing sour until John swore he couldn’t take it anymore. By the end of the night, they had landed in two comatose heaps on the living room floor.

By the end of March, Kate had simply given up, accepting that it was over; she had ruined it and she was out of luck now. The everyday pain of her stupidity was mellowing, and she was back in the well of loneliness she had lived in before she met Vivian, the same loneliness that had driven her to date and stay with Ash when she first arrived in Chicago. She was back to sitting alone at night, a huge bowl of ice cream in her lap, or to losing herself in vigorous workout routines.

She hurt. She hurt every day. No amount of blues trumpet, no amount of tears or frustration seemed to make her feel better. She hadn’t just lost a love, she had lost friends. She had lost an entire life, an entire possible future, and she wanted it back. This was a very familiar feeling; as a teenager she called it the “new foster home blues.”

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