Sea Shenanigans Collection Two by Robyn Peterman

Author:Robyn Peterman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Robyn Peterman

I had the idiot on speed dial. He answered on the first ring.

“I want to join Immortal Snatch,” I said into my cell phone as my cousins tried not to laugh.

“What’s wrong with your snatch?” Poseidon asked, confused.

“Nothing is wrong with my snatch, you idiot,” I shouted into the phone as Tallulah fell off her chair in hysterics. “I want to register for your heinously named dating service.”

“Oh, I thought you said you wanted to coin your snatch—didn’t know what that meant,” Poseidon said.

“How much rum have you had?” I demanded with an eye roll.

“Started at nine AM,” he replied. “You would have too if you were me. DIC is killing me.”

“Did he just say his dick is killing him?” Ariel whispered as she choked on a laugh.

Nodding my head, I rolled my eyes. “That is far too much information, old man,” I snapped into the phone. “You’re like a drunk non-blood related grandfather to me that I wouldn’t take out in public. I do not want to know about your salami. You feel me, dumbass?”

“Not my dick,” Poseidon yelled with a bellow of laughter. “DIC.”

“Well, that certainly clears it up—not,” I grumbled.

“DIC—as in Divine Immortal Circuit. All the gods have to take a turn at governing the other idiot gods, demigods and lesser gods. I lost at strip poker a few months back and have to run the damned thing for the next hundred years.”

“Well, umm… okay then,” I said, letting my chin drop to my chest. “So, can I join?”

“DIC?” Poseidon asked, confused again.

“Umm, no. I want nothing to do with DIC,” I replied.

“So, you’re a lesbian now?” he asked politely.

It took all I had not to throw my phone into the ocean. But wait… the diapered idiot had given me an opening. Possibly.

“Well… umm… not exactly, but I was wondering if your daughter Charybdis was enrolled,” I said, holding my breath.

Upton gave me a thumbs up for my quick and creative thinking. It warmed me all over to have his approval. All four of my cousins’ eyes grew wide and they began to bounce up and down on my couch.

“I disowned that shrew thousands of years ago,” Poseidon grunted with disgust. “That murdering sea wench is no longer my daughter. And if you are going to the gay side, I’d like to suggest a less homicidal muff diver.”

“That was politically incorrect,” I told him with a sigh of exasperation. However, I was delighted that if I offed Charybdis he wouldn’t be put out.

“Which part?” Poseidon asked.

“Most of it,” I replied.

“My bad. My whole life is politically incorrect. So, should I be looking for a man or a woman for you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I said honestly. I had no intention of actually going on a date with anyone.

“What is it that you’re looking for, Petunia?” Poseidon asked kindly.

Without thinking, I told the God of the Sea the truth. “A star,” I said. “I want to wish on a star.”

“Tall order there, little flame-haired Mermaid,” Poseidon said with a laugh. “I’ll get to work on it.

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