Sapphic Stories: An Anthology by Ophelia Astarté

Author:Ophelia Astarté [Astarté, Ophelia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-06-10T22:00:00+00:00

SECOND PARTS

This is the message I sent to my ex, a day like today a year ago. At that time, we have been apart for five years and three without seeing each other. I still remember how I looked behind the glass several times to make sure it was her I was seeing through the cafeteria window. I greeted her, we exchanged numbers again, and I only dared to send her this message:

"Have you known love in bad times? It is the kind of love that comes when we are not ready, when our heads have other plans, and our feet are on different paths. I feel our love was like that. We met when we were young, and the relationship ended tragically. Neither of us were prepared for what a relationship demands.

I remember in the months we were together my feelings were a roller coaster of emotions. I felt that I loved you, that I couldn't live without you. But I also felt you were putting chains on me. I wanted to be free, but with you, and I didn't know how to do it.

I remember when we used to go to the movies, and you would hug me excitedly when you left the room because the film had a happy ending. When films ended sadly, I was the one who started the hug and tried to cheer you up. It didn't take much effort, since in both cases there were people who looked at us strangely because of our closeness. We laughed then, trying to guess what they would think.

I also remember that not knowing what career to choose overwhelmed me a lot, the pressure to finish homework on time and having to answer the messages you sent to the minute. Because if I didn't, you would get angry. I just asked for the day to be long enough. I felt I didn’t have time to breathe.

We broke up because of the instability of the relationship. Because of the tears, because of the fights. We thought it was the other's fault when we were both toxic. I was sure you were too dependent. I didn't know what to do with my life and I didn't want to carry someone else's problems. We take refuge in our differences and let the negativity takes us apart.

Now I realize that the problem was not us, it was the moment.

In these years, I have found my way, and now I think it was us, but not our time. Now that I think about it carefully, the good moments weigh much more than the bad ones in the balance. I am not going to apologize to you for how I acted. I acted the way I did because I was an immature girl. I didn't know how to do it better, so I thought I was doing what was the best. Now I have changed. Time has gone by. Now I am not afraid of commitment, and I know where I want to do.

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