Roy Williams Plays: 3 by Roy Williams

Roy Williams Plays: 3 by Roy Williams

Author:Roy Williams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Methuen Drama
Published: 2008-06-14T16:00:00+00:00


On the Side of the Angels

Characters

Ben, early twenties

Brookes, late twenties

Sean, early twenties

Jamie, early twenties

Scene One

Darkness, except for a large video screen showing static.

Voice from screen come on! You fucking piece of … come on …

The screen continues to flicker, until the audience can see Ben standing (in uniform) facing the screen, talking to his video camcorder.

Ben Is it on? (Checks.) Yes! (Speaking directly to the camera.) Right, right.

Ben starts walking backwards, to reveal the army barracks.

(Speaking to the camera) How yo doing, Trish? You alright? So, here I am, my first week, not so bad. Everyone’s bin saying, it really kicks off here, but I can’t see it. Keep this up, it’ll be a piece of piss. (Beginning to get distracted by some noises coming from the barracks.) We’re out on patrol most hours. (Aside.) Oi, will you shut up, I’m talking … Fucking kids here, sorry, babe … (Aside.) Shut the fuck up! (Takes out a photo from his pocket.) Got yer photo. (Chuckles.) You are a dirty bitch, you know that. Who took this picture? Better not be Dan, or Steve, it better be one of them timer things … (He hears more noise, this time Rap music.) For fuck’s sake … Anyhows, I’m putting it to good use, every night, toilets, you know what I’m saying? Course you do. (Blows kiss, laughs again.) Dirty bitch.

Brookes, Sean and Jamie appear on screen, dancing. They are slowly creeping up behind Ben. Sean grabs Ben’s head and plants a kiss on his cheek. Brookes swipes the photo out of Ben’s hand.

Ben Jesus …

Brookes (sees picture) … Whoa! … Fucking hell!

Ben Pass my picture back!

Jamie (speaking to camera) Yo, people of the UK! Wass up!

Sean Wass up!

Ben is now chasing Brookes around the barracks, coming in and out of view of the screen.

Brookes This is Trish?

Ben Brookes!

Brookes (faces camera) Trish? You dat?

Sean This is Sean, C-boy, Curtis broadcasting to the nation!

Ben C-boy?

Brookes Cunt boy!

Sean Now don’t you go worrying about a thing, UK, we’re looking after your interests here, on the side of the angels, telling the Arabs, to their faces, yeah, ‘Oi, we’re British, behave yerselves!’

Ben Pass my picture, Brookes!

Brookes Pass my picture, Sarge, you lickle rass.

Jamie is passed the photo.

Jamie (shows Sean) Say hello to Ben’s woman.

Sean Whoa! Well, hello there, Ben’s woman. What’s a fine, big-titted woman like you doing with pussy boy here?

Brookes is playfully gagging Ben with his hands.

Sean You wanna piece of this, Trish? (Places a rolled-up sleeping bag between his legs.)

Brookes You call that a piece? (Shoves Sean out of the picture.) Move! See, Trish.

Sean starts dancing, then sits his arse on Ben’s face.

Brookes Fart on him …

A muffled Ben tries to break free.

Brookes As I was saying, his piece was nuttin, ain’t worth time or effort, but this however … (Unzips his trousers.) Now you see, Trish, what we have here is a magnificent thick specimen of pure Harlesden prime, ripe blacksnake. Please, observe, don’t fain’t now … (Smells the fart.) … Oh man!

Ben (waves the air) Jesus!

Jamie Jesus, Sean!

Sean (giggling) You said fart on him.



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