Purge by Sarah Littman

Author:Sarah Littman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2013-06-10T04:00:00+00:00

July 28th

I still can’t believe I survived the confrontation with Jenny and lived to tell the tale. But even more, I still can’t believe that she ever thought Dad would prefer me to her. It’s just so completely unthinkable. Well, I guess it’s not completely unthinkable because Jenny thought it. But still. It got me wondering about how differently we all perceive the things that go on in our lives. Like I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I live in Perfect Jenny’s shadow, and meanwhile she’s there thinking that I’m Dad’s Trophy Daughter. Hahahahahahahaha! The idea is so incredibly laughable, especially given the current circumstances. I bet Dad considers me more of a skeleton in the closet than a trophy these days.

If surviving Jenny’s visit in one piece is the good news, the bad news is that ever since last night I’ve been thinking about Matt constantly and it’s like picking at a scab that has barely begun to heal and feeling the pain all over again. Images of the two of us together and then … well … not together … the night of Jenny’s wedding, are on this endless loop in my head, and I want, more than anything, for it to stop. I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to feel it. I wish I could just edit the footage out of my brain or somehow pull the plug on the projector, because then maybe I wouldn’t feel the pain in my heart and in my stomach every time one of those pictures flashes up.

I keep asking myself why I’m so hung up on Matt Lewis when he behaved like such an asshole. For one thing, it’s not easy to forget how gorgeous he is, like something out of an Abercrombie catalog, with his athlete’s body and the blond hair that flops over one eye. I crushed on him, instantly, the first time I met him at his parents’ country club. We ended up playing doubles, him and me against Harry and Matt’s older brother, Ben. The way Matt moved on the court was amazing, more than making up for my deficiencies with a racket. When we beat Harry and Ben, he didn’t just high-five me; he picked me up and spun me around. Just looking at him over lunch on the patio afterward, while our parents toasted the stock market with mimosas, was enough to give me butterflies.

The thing is, Matt isn’t just gorgeous — he’s smart and funny, too. You know how some people seem to have hit the genetic jackpot? Matt’s one of those people who have it all and you can either hate them for it or fall madly in love with them. I, unfortunately, did the latter, fool that I am.

So I’ve basically been worshipping the guy ever since the summer between seventh and eighth grade. I didn’t see him so much in eighth grade because he went to a different school,

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