Peace Mom by Cindy Sheehan

Author:Cindy Sheehan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 2006-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

The hearings in that small basement room of the Capitol were historic, but they weren’t the catalyst that changed the country. I had no idea then what the catalyst would be, or that I would be a spark that helped to light the fire of antiwar sentiment in this country, but we would all find out shortly!

Chapter 8

Death of the

Sheehan Family

“But we still together…”

—C ASEY SHEEHAN

IN RETROSPECT, THE SHEEHAN FAMILY HAD BEGUN to fall apart even before Casey died.

There was a TV show starring the Wayans family called In Living Color. It was a very clever show. One of the stars was a practically unknown Jim Carrey. The show had a regular sketch about an old black couple who had been married for many decades. The old couple would have visitors and they would pretend to be lovey-dovey while their guests were there. The visitor would remark how amazing it was that they had been married for so long, and in unison the couple would say, “And we still together.”

Then, as soon as the visitors would leave, the couple would get into a knock-down, drag-out fight! Every time Pat and I would fight, Casey would look up from whatever he was doing, or pass by the room and say, “And we still together.” That would always make Pat and me laugh and defuse the situation a little.

By the time our firstborn, our dear, sweet, funny, and loving boy, was killed on April 4, 2004, our marriage, I believe, was not sick, but stagnant and moored in the place of comfort instead of happiness; complacency instead of excitement; ennui instead of love. We fought pretty much constantly, but I thought since our marriage was better than my parents’ marriage, that it was a good one.

For the first few weeks after Casey was killed, Pat and I would lie in bed in the morning before we got up and hold each other and cry. We would be up about an hour before the throngs of people would descend on our home to fix us breakfast and help us get on with the task of life after a shocking death. That was when I believed that the intimacy would return to our marriage and we would grow closer. I thought Casey’s death would save our family. I was wrong.

As I have stated before, I was a horrible mother to my other three children after Casey was killed. It seemed that they had to spend all of their time comforting me. I was in such a dark place of pain and regret that I could not even begin to be a mother to them. I resented the people who would say to me, “You need to pull yourself out of this. You have three other children.” Or, “At least you have three more.” As if Casey were a lost family pet that could be replaced by another.

Of course I have three other children, and I am so grateful that I do—I really think I was able to resist committing suicide after Casey died because of them.

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