Once Was Lost by Sara Zarr

Author:Sara Zarr
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2011-06-11T10:29:30+00:00

In the Hathaways’ minivan I try to stay calm and think about what I’ll do if Erin’s car is parked at our house. This was stupid. Because now if it’s there, Vanessa and her dad will know, too. I think of what I could say. Like that they have a meeting about the prayer vigil or youth stuff. I’ll pretend it’s normal, I’ll pretend not to notice it.

Before we left, Vanessa asked what we’re getting. “Just something I need,” I told her. She looked at me funny but didn’t ask for more. Now we’re sitting in the back of the van and her dad has the AC up to the point I wish I had a sweater. It’s not quite dark out yet, but getting there.

We turn the corner to my block. I crane my neck to see past Mr. Hathaway’s head and get a glimpse of the house. There are no cars out front, not even my dad’s, and I know there can’t be any in the garage other than my mom’s, which has been parked there since her accident and arrest. The driveway lights are on but otherwise the house looks empty. I blow breath out.

“You have your key?” Mr. Hathaway asks as he pulls into the drive.

“Yeah.” I open the sliding door and climb out, then realize Mr. Hathaway and Vanessa are getting out, too. “Oh, I’ll just be a second; you don’t have to come in.”

“No, no. Dad duty. I’m not sending you into a dark house alone.”

“And I’m not sitting here by myself,” Vanessa adds.

They follow me to the door. I hesitate, wondering where my dad is, anyway, if he’s not here. Maybe they’re at her house. Or maybe I’m just crazy for thinking anything could possibly be going on. Jody’s family needs my dad right now, and they need Erin, too. They need anyone who can help and of course Dad and Erin are going to be there at the same time, helping. He’s just not home yet, that’s all. Maybe he went out for coffee with Erin, to talk. It’s not a crime.

I push open the door and a blast of heat hits us. “Sorry it’s so stuffy,” I say over my shoulder to Vanessa and her dad. “I’ll be fast.” Ralph runs to the door. I flip on the living room light and pet him, then turn to Vanessa. “Will you check his food bowl?” Mostly that’s to keep her from following me to my room, where I’m supposed to be getting this so-called item that I absolutely had to have tonight.

In my room, I take my school backpack out of the closet and look around for stuff to put in it: the gardening book I bought from the hardware store on Saturday—a lifetime ago. An extra pair of shorts. The rooster clock stares at me from my desk and suddenly I know just what to do with it. I put that in the backpack, too, which now looks nice and full. On the way out, I stop to pick up the picture of my mom and me that I keep on my dresser.

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