Mort: Deluxe Illustrated Edition (The Fearlanders) by Duncan Joseph

Author:Duncan, Joseph [Duncan, Joseph]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Cobra E-books
Published: 2012-12-19T05:00:00+00:00

“Come on, lardbutt! Move!” he yelled.

Mort called him every foul name he could think of… in his head. Aloud, he gusted, “I’m trying!”

The blonde leaned out, tried to decide if the fat guy was going to make it or not. “They’re right behind you, tubbo!” he yelled.

Mort finally caught up with Cowboy Boots. “This way!” Mort’s rescuer said, and bolted down the alley. Mort wheezed after him. Midway down the alley, a flight of concrete steps descended to a sub ground-level steel door. The blonde pelted down the steps and whisked through the entrance. Mort panted right behind him. As soon as Mort plodded through the entrance, the blonde slammed the door and barred it with a two-by-four. He crouched down and waited.

Wheezing and huffing, Mort stood with his hands on his knees. He began to cough.

“Quiet!” the blonde hissed.

Mort tried to slow his breathing but he was too winded. He’d never been—by even the most creative stretch of the imagination—a fit person, and he’d spent the last week hiding in his apartment, getting zero exercise and living off his stocks of potato chips, Little Debbie cakes and canned meats. Mort’s face was red and splotchy, and his clothes were soaked through with sweat. He backed away from the door, hoping the deadheads wouldn’t hear him, mouth working like a fish out of water. He propped his butt against a bare cinderblock wall, chest heaving, and concentrated on not passing out. His heart was beating so hard it felt like someone was slapping him on the back.

When he was sure they’d eluded the zombies, Movie Star wheeled on Mort angrily. “That was a goddamn dirty trick,” he said accusingly.

“What do you... mean?” Mort gasped.

“Pretending to be a chick.”

“I… wasn’t pretending… to be anything.”

“I saw a blonde inside that truck. She was moving around and screaming.” He looked Mort up and down, nose curled with disgust. “What were you doing? Eating her?”

Mort laughed breathlessly. “That was… me screaming… You saw her moving… when I tried to pull her… out of her seat. She was already dead.”

“How?”

“She… cut her own throat… with a box cutter. I was about… to do the same.”

The guy in the cowboy boots grinned. “Well, huh… I guess I rescued me a fatty.”

Mort was finally beginning to catch his breath. He wiped the sweat from his face with the back of his hand. “Yeah. Yeah, you did. Thanks. If there’s anything I can do to repay you, just let me know.”

“I can think of one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You can give me a blowjob.”

Mort’s head jerked up. “What?”

“You said if there was anything you could do to pay me back… so give me a blowjob. You owe me one, at least. I did just save yer life. Hey, and don’t forget to slob on muh balls while yer at it. That always gets me off real good.”

Mort drew away from the cowboy, opening his mouth to protest.

Movie Star cracked up. He laughed and slapped his knee. “Oh, shit, son! You should see yer face! Oh, Jesus, that was funny! Take it easy.

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