Mike Ashley (ed.) by The Mammoth Book of Comic Fantasy II

Author:The Mammoth Book of Comic Fantasy II
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2011-08-12T22:58:00+00:00

HOW TO BE FANTASTIC

Elizabeth Counihan

In the same vein as the previous item is the following clever piece about ways into and out of a fantasy story. Elizabeth Counihan is the publisher and editor of her own small-press magazine Scheherazade, which has been appearing since 1991, and which specializes in fantasy and gothic fiction.

You wake up. You are lying on the floor. It's hard and cold and there's straw. It's dark but there is some light coming in through a gothic-looking stained-glass window high above. The heraldic colours are shining right on you like a spotlight. You try to move. There's a clinking noise. Your hands are chained to the wall. Looks like you're in trouble. So where are you and who are you? Is this a dream? Or are you part of someone's fantasy?

How do you find out and are you going to live happily ever after? Are you going to live at all? Here are some tips.

First check your species. If you are a small furry animal or a cuddly alien, relax, someone will rescue you. No author would dare to let you die for fear of annihilation by animal rights campaigners.

Next check your gender. That should be easy even in these conditions. Shift yourself under the pretty lights and check out your shoe size. Obviously if you've got big, hairy legs and size twelves you aren't the heroine of this fantasy. If you can feel bulging biceps then you're laughing. With one bound you'll be free (see below).

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