Love Blind by C. Desir

Love Blind by C. Desir

Author:C. Desir
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Simon Pulse
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00


Chapter Twenty-One: Kyle

The look on her face crushed me. I’d let her down. She was more broken than I ever thought I’d see her. And angry. And hurt. I hated that she’d had sex with Chaz. Jesus, why didn’t she know me well enough not to tell me about it? She should never have asked me to do it with her in the first place. She had to have known it would be nearly impossible for me. Nearly. I could have. I should have. God, I’d wanted to. That killed me the most. It wasn’t impossible. I was just incapable of being what she needed.

Imagining Hailey with that douche was the worst kind of torture. But it was equally as bad imagining her with me. It almost hurt more. I wondered if she’d always feel outside of my grasp, or if that was a prison I’d built for myself.

I looked at the soundboard, switching it over to automated so I could get out, out, out. I wasn’t sure I was even breathing. When I hit the hallway, I sprinted out of the building. The second the sun hit my face, I stopped. I took a bunch of deep breaths. And could just barely see the top of her head as she walked around the corner in the direction of her house. Her shoulders slightly hunched.

I should have run to her. Pulled her into a hug. Told her I was sorry. Told her so many things. I had notebooks full of words at home. Stacks of them. But for a girl I cared about more than maybe anyone else, I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to undo what had been done. What I’d done. What she’d done. What Chaz had done.

The farther away Hailey walked, the more I knew I couldn’t follow. The more work I knew I had to make myself better. I had the beginnings of a list, but there was more. There should be more.

I let her go, and it was as if someone had stretched my body full of rubber bands, all of them too tightly pulled to really hold me together.

Hailey disappeared, and every band snapped. Instead of going back into the station, I walked for my bike, climbed on, and rode home. Mom got to have days in front of the TV. I could do the same. I knew it would do nothing to make me feel better, but I didn’t give a shit. I’d lost something I could have had. For her and for me. Whatever misery Hailey felt, I deserved more.

◊ ◊ ◊

The front door slammed, and I jerked so hard my hand hit the floor, saving me from falling off the couch.

“Your teacher from the radio station called today,” Mom snapped. “Care to guess why?”

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Don’t you dare use that language in my house. I’m trying to keep this family together by myself, Kyle. Do you understand?”

I understood all too well. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Daytime TV was crap, even when all I wanted was the mindless chatter.



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