Look at You Now by Liz Pryor

Author:Liz Pryor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atlantic Books

chapter 8

A few days later, the girls were sleeping, but I was awake. It was late at night. I sat alone in the quiet phone booth. It felt like years of life had passed since I’d spoken to Daniel. There was screaming and music blaring through the other end of the phone. The music got louder as I waited for Daniel to come to the phone.

“Liz?” he said. “Hey, how you doing? How is it?” My throat tightened. Maybe it was the phone booth—the place I’d cried so many times before—or maybe it was the sound of real life happening far away, without me. I ignored the tears as they rolled down my cheeks.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“I can barely hear you.”

“It’s okay.” I raised my voice.

“Where is the place?”

“I’m in Indiana somewhere.”

“Shit, hang on.” There were voices, and then I heard Daniel laugh. “Sorry, sorry, they’re having this stupid party thing on the hall. Remember my friend Aaron? He’s such a bonehead. He filled these trash cans with grain alcohol and Hawaiian Punch. Everyone is wasted.”

The lightbulb was flickering on the ceiling of the phone booth. “Oh yeah, I remember him.”

“Sorry. So what’s it like? You okay? Shit, hang on, yeah I know, shithead. Wait, Liz, what did you say?”

“Nothing. You sound busy, Daniel. . . .”

“No, no, it’s fine. We just finished midterms so everyone’s crazy.”

“I guess I just wanted to say hi.” There was an awkward silence. I felt how starkly our lives had diverged.

“Coming, man. Sorry, I guess I should maybe call you tomorrow or something. I’m on the hall phone here, ya know?”

“It’s okay, I get it.”

“I’m sorry about all this, Liz.”

“It’s fine, I’ll talk to you later.”

I hung up the phone and looked down at the names and initials scratched into the wooden counter where the phone sat and wondered about all the girls who had come and gone.

I’d stopped counting exactly how many mornings had passed. Since I didn’t know exactly when I was leaving, it was pointless. I rarely knew what day it was, because it didn’t matter anymore. I had nowhere to go. I’d come to accept that this was my life, for now. It felt like the longest point A to point B I’d ever have to experience. There were a few unavoidable realities: I was going nowhere until the baby came. I would never feel like the person I used to be. And perhaps I would survive. I was beginning to understand that the experience of the facility would be a part of me forever. But my forever still felt like a pretty good thing. I had a lot waiting for me, and even more to look forward to. Most of the girls had no idea what their forever was even kind of going to look like. Many had to go back to juvie without their babies, a few had nowhere to go, and most of them didn’t have people in their lives like I had—people who could help remind them that everything would eventually be okay.

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