Little Monsters by Kara Thomas

Author:Kara Thomas
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2017-07-25T04:00:00+00:00

Junior Year

June

Have you ever had a secret so big it would destroy you if it got out? Spoiler alert: I do. And it’s so bad I almost don’t want to write it here, even though not even my nosy-ass mom could find my hiding spot for this notebook. (Spoiler alert: a nifty slit cut in the underside of my mattress.)

My secret is that I have a problem, and it’s a boy. Not Cliff Grosso, although he’s a royal thorn in my ass, telling everyone we did things in Tyrell’s house that we didn’t. This boy is different. He’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. The type of nice where if you even think about making fun of someone, this boy’s face pops into your mind and starts judging you. He’s funny without being mean, something the other boys in Broken Falls can never achieve with their lesbian jokes and bad impersonations of Mrs. Gonzalo, the vice principal. Everyone calls her Gonzo because of her nose, and that’s always made me sad.

This boy’s beautiful in a way that is absolutely devastating, with a smile that makes you feel like you’re the only person he sees.

I’ve loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him.

The problem: the boy does not love me back. How do I know he’s not into me? Because if a guy is into you, he’ll fucking TELL you. Even if he doesn’t form the words with his lips—I’m into you!—he’ll find other ways. For example, if he knows you work at the local drugstore, he’ll find an excuse to pick up his prescription during one of your shifts and not send his mom to do it. If he runs into you and you casually mention you’re going to his best friend’s party, he’ll show up at the goddamn party because he knows you’ll be there.

That’s only a small sample of things he would do if he were into me.

But the fact that I love this boy isn’t my nasty secret. In fact, some people know how I feel. Val Diamond knows, because I’ve been in love with him for the better part of my life. In eighth grade, Val and I even came up with a grand plan to make him fall in love with me—I’d enter the spring talent show and sing Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You” while locking eyes with him in the front row. He didn’t even show up for the performance.

Obviously Jade knows how I feel about him, because Jade is my person and I don’t hide shit from her. But she doesn’t know how bad it is. That my feelings for him are like a chronic illness, flaring up at the worst times. And I’ve got it bad again—so bad it’s infected my brain and I think I may actually be going crazy.

So, you want to know the crazy part. The shit that’s too shameful for print. Well, here it goes.

Last night: in my brother’s room next door, where my dad

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