Jumpstart My Heart by Lina Langley

Author:Lina Langley [Langley, Lina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Half Past Three
Published: 2018-03-11T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIVE

I hadn’t heard from him in a while. What was Caleb up to? Did he really get scared off by my offer? Was it wrong to admit those feelings? Maybe I had moved too fast, or maybe I had said the wrong thing at the wrong time. It wasn’t easy, that was for sure. He seemed to be on the same page as me until I told him, but as soon as I did…he ended up leaving.

I thought about waiting for him, to see if there was any way for me to bring this up in a fitting manner. But there wasn’t. He would ignore me every time I tried talking to him, leaving me either on read, or just going straight to voicemail.

“Shit,” I said to myself when he sent me to voicemail for the twentieth time.

I fucked this one up, I thought bitterly to myself. I tried to get over it, but a month later I was still thinking about him a lot. Every time I would go out, I would look around to see if that guy was there. If he was with anyone else, I was going to be pissed. I didn’t want to feel so insecure, but that was how he made me feel. The fact that he just ditched me like that hurt.

I went about my business, but even people at work noticed. I hated that I was so bad about telling others this type of stuff, but…it was hard. It was the first time I had ever felt so empty after being denied. In the past, when a guy said he wasn’t interested, I’d be a bit upset, but that was as far as it would get. But, when I thought about Caleb, and the fact that we might actually be over this time around, I felt really bad.

After a bit of time, I began to try to ignore the feelings, strengthening my own resolve, and working toward a better life and future. I didn’t want to have to worry about anything, and I didn’t want to worry about love, especially if it ended up being unrequited. So why did I feel so shitty?

No matter what I tried to do, it felt like a cloud hung over my body, one that I wasn’t going to be able to get rid of. After a bit, I realized that cloud was because of him, or the lack thereof.

I tried to tell myself that I tried. I guess the trying wasn’t nearly enough. I had dropped the ball. I could have taken it slow, just like he wanted.

One night, I ended up working really late. It was about two months since the breakup, and I hadn’t heard shit. It was a late night at the office, and when I got out, I was the only one left.

“Well, guess everyone is already home,” I said to myself.

I looked at the watch on my wrist as I made my way outside of the building. It was already eleven or so.

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