In the Age of Love and Chocolate by Gabrielle Zevin

Author:Gabrielle Zevin [Zevin, Gabrielle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)
Published: 2013-11-07T05:00:00+00:00

XIII

I HAVE THOUGHTS; I AM MOSTLY WRONG

I COULD NOT SLEEP that night.

I thought of Win and how much I had loved him and how much he had claimed he loved me and how that still hadn’t been enough to make him understand why I had to open the club.

I thought of Theo and how well he understood both my business and me. I thought of how very, very much I liked him. I thought how it had made me feel petty and mean that I couldn’t seem to love him the way he loved me, the way I had loved Win. What is so great about you that you turn down a perfectly good boy’s love? I asked myself.

I thought of how I’d tried the entire winter to end my relationship with Theo. I thought this would certainly be one way of ending it.

Mostly I thought of Yuji, who had saved my life and my brother’s life. I thought of the good the union would do my business and the many people I was responsible for.

I thought that Yuji did not have very long to live.

I thought how, when he died, it wouldn’t hurt much because I had never loved him in the first place.

I thought of the many people who married and ended up divorced or miserable. I thought of Win’s parents and my parents.

I thought, romantic love is not a very good reason to marry anyway. People change; love dies. You might, for instance, find yourself standing in a nightclub on New Year’s Eve, with the boy you loved saying that he wished he had never met you. That sometimes happened.

Family. Obligation. Legacy. The more I thought about it, the more these seemed like good and practical reasons to wed.

I thought I was grown-up.

I thought I knew what I was doing.

These were a few of the lies I told myself.

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