I'll Sing for my Dinner by BR Kingsolver

Author:BR Kingsolver [Kingsolver, BR]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-03-31T22:00:00+00:00

After we left the shipping company, Jake asked me, “Are you all right?”

I had been very quiet. “Yeah. I’m sorry you had to witness that ugly scene with my mother. But I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. You know, ever since I met you, I’ve been trying to figure out why in the hell I let myself get entangled with Eddie Jimenez. I’m not stupid, Jake, but running off with Eddie was a monumentally stupid thing to do.”

He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. I almost giggled. He was such a nice man, and he would never say something like that, but I was sure he wondered what kind of idiocy had triggered the most disastrous decisions of my life.

“You told me that you felt suffocated,” he said, his voice carefully neutral.

“Yes, but the fame, the pressure to perform, my agent, none of those were what was suffocating me. It was my mother. And I figured out this afternoon why I allowed Eddie to abuse me the way he did and why I stayed with him. It was because it was better than how my mother treated me. I was so used to doing whatever she told me to, that I let Eddie step into that role. When she said that you were pimping my talent, it suddenly made sense. Because you don’t force me to do anything. It’s almost like pulling teeth to get you to express an opinion when I ask you what I should do. The only thing you force me to do is think for myself, to make my own decisions.”

I leaned over and put my hand on his arm. “God, I love you.”

As we reached the hotel, I said, “I have a feeling that my mother was the initiator behind my agent threatening to sue us over my contract. That’s how she thinks. One more manipulation to get me to do what she wanted.”

When Jake and I got to our room, I took the violin out of its case and handed it to him. He acted as though I had handed him a snake, or a baby.

“Play it,” I said, smiling at him.

“I don’t play anymore,” he said, trying to give it back to me.

“Jake, I’m not asking you for a concert. But you used to play. Aren’t you curious about how it feels? It’s only us here, go ahead.”

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