If You Had Stayed by Jessica Madden

Author:Jessica Madden
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Schizophrenia, Mental Health, Romance, Friendship, Bullying
Publisher: Violet Hearts Publishing
Published: 2022-07-06T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIFTHTEEN

As soon as Dad and I got home, I climb the stairs to my room. I barely even remember the trip home. I closed the door to my room and glance over in Josh’s room. I expected to see him there, but then I had to remind to myself he was no longer living next door to me. Everything felt quiet and still. It felt like time had stop without Josh being here.

I closed the blinds so I couldn’t see into his room. I curl up onto my bed, not wanting to move from it at all. I wanted Josh to be here beside me and snuggle up to me. I wanted him to talk to me about anything – his hallucinations, school, us, just anything. Most of all I wanted him to tell me I’m dreaming, and when I wake up he will be lying here beside me.

I thought about last night when he had kiss me. Why did he kiss me if he was just going to leave me afterwards? Why did he even bother to tell me he like me only to rip my heart out like this?

Mum comes into my room later to check on me. She sits down beside me on my bed, stroking my hair.

“I just came to say that I’m here if you would like to talk,” she tells me. She puts a piece of fold up paper on my bedside table. “I also found a note that Josh had written to you. I’m going to leave it here for you, and you can read it whenever you feel up to it.”

All I could do was nod.

Mum stays with me for a few more minutes before leaving me to be by myself.

I stay in my room for three days. I didn’t feel up to doing anything, not even talk or eat. I only leave the room to use the bathroom before locking myself in my room again. I keep the blinds closed so I can’t glance next door. My room may have been dark, but I didn’t care. Haylie had called me a few times and even stopped by to see how I was, but I didn’t want to see or talk to her. All I wanted was to be alone and think about Josh. He was the only person running through my mind.

By Thursday my parents said I had to go to school. They didn’t want me to be missing out on anymore work or falling behind. I didn’t see the point in going when I wasn’t even going to be able to concentrate on anything. Let alone having everyone tell me they are sorry for my loss or constantly asked me if I’m okay. Gabby was one person I wasn’t looking forward to seeing. I didn’t want to know what she had to say about all of this.

Plus, my parents had made an appointment for me with the school counsellor, Mrs Roberts. Even when I told them I was fine, they suggested I go and talk with her.

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