IF I FIX YOU by Abigail Johnson

Author:Abigail Johnson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harlequin
Published: 2016-03-21T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 23

“Jill. Wait.”

Daniel’s grip wasn’t hard. It wasn’t even so much that he grabbed my arm as placed his hand on me. I could have pulled away and left. He couldn’t have followed me in his condition.

“I didn’t mean that.” Daniel’s stare was making me mildly uncomfortable and I got the sense that he wasn’t talking to me when he said, “Why are you only sixteen?”

I drew closer to the couch so that he had to look up at me. He still held my arm and I felt each one of his fingers. “What am I supposed to say to that? This—” I gestured between the two of us “—wasn’t my fault. I wish you’d stop treating me like it was.”

His hand pulled me a step closer. Then two. I could smell cigarette smoke clinging to him, but underneath it was the familiar bite of citrus from whatever he wore. The mix was souring my already uneasy stomach.

“Sometimes I think about what it might be like if you were older. I move here, meet you, and you’re twenty-one. Even eighteen. We could just get in a car and drive.” Then his eyes lost their focus for a moment. “I don’t know how much longer I can stay,” he said. “But if I go, she’ll go back. And she’ll wait, and wait, and wait however long it takes.” Daniel’s breathing was slow and steady and for a moment it was like he wasn’t drunk at all.

“The first time he hit her really hard.” Daniel dragged his hand up to his temple, tracing along smooth skin. “She stopped being able to see the color green. He knocked it right out of her head.” Daniel’s hand lowered. “She can’t see me anymore. I try and talk to her and she screams like the sound of my voice hurts her. How? How did I get here? What did I do that was so much worse than him?” He tried to draw me closer, pulling on my arms.

“Daniel?” I said his name because the lucid moment had passed. And tears for him were already filling my eyes. “It’s not your fault. You know that.” Except he didn’t look like he knew anything. “You protected her. You’re still protecting her and she’s—” my voice cracked but I pushed out the rest of the words that we both needed to hear “—supposed to love you.”

Daniel had said his dad beat them for years, long enough to permanently damage his mom on some level. I wanted that knowledge to soften me toward her, but it didn’t, not when Daniel was the one still suffering. When he finally focused on me, I could tell he hadn’t heard me in the way I wanted. The words meant nothing to him because he didn’t believe them.

He took a deep breath and pushed his hair back from his face. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Any of it.” His eyes found mine. “Except you.” Both hands caught my arms and I didn’t know if he was trying to draw me in or if he needed someone to pull him up, anyone.

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