I Made a Mistake by Jane Corry

Author:Jane Corry [Corry, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241984666
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2020-05-21T23:00:00+00:00

16

Betty

The weeks went by and still Jane showed no signs of improving.

‘Mummy still poorly,’ Alice would inform me solemnly, gripping her daddy’s hand as if she was scared he might get ill too.

‘Never mind,’ I’d say in a falsely upbeat voice. ‘She’ll get better soon.’

But she didn’t. My friend’s once-bright eyes had sunk into her face and there were black shadows around them. Her hair was still lank and flat. ‘I try to wash it for her,’ said Gary despairingly when Alice was playing, ‘but she just pushes me away. At least I persuaded her to get dressed today. There are times when she won’t get out of her nightie.’

We spoke in low voices from the next room, not wanting to upset her. Violet was fast asleep in her Moses basket, blissfully unaware of everything going on around her.

Gary was looking worse too. The saggy bags under his eyes were more pronounced than ever. ‘It’s not me I’m worried about,’ he said. ‘It’s the children. Alice keeps asking questions and Violet isn’t putting on as much weight as she should because I don’t seem to have much luck getting a bottle down her.’

As if on cue, the baby woke. Soon her mewing sounds turned into desperate screams. Poor little mite was probably starving.

‘Let me have a go,’ I said. ‘Where’s the milk powder?’

Gary showed me and I swiftly made some up. For some reason, Violet was more than happy to take it from me, gulping it down so fast that the milk dribbled out of her tiny rosebud mouth. Maybe she’d sensed that her father had been too nervous when he’d tried. Babies like to think an adult knows what he or she is doing, even when that isn’t the case. The trick, I’d learned, is to pretend. It gives both of you more confidence. I also knew how to soothe her, using the same methods I did with my Stuart; stroking her little cheek with my finger and then burping her against my shoulder.

‘There we are!’ I said triumphantly.

‘You’re amazing,’ said Gary and I flushed with pleasure.

Afterwards, I laid her on the yellow-and-green giraffe-patterned play mat which Jane had bought when she was pregnant, and distracted both Violet and my son – whom I’d placed next to her – with one of those lovely little floor-standing mobiles above them. We couldn’t afford anything half as fancy as that at home.

Sometimes, if the weather was fine, I’d push the two of them around the garden in the double buggy (a present from Jane’s grandmother) to get them to sleep. Then I was able to play with Alice to give Gary a bit of a break. On a few occasions, I fancied I saw Jane standing at the window, watching me in her nightdress with her long blonde hair hanging down. But when I beckoned at her to come out and join us, she turned away.

The doctor prescribed a different type of antidepressant. ‘They just seem to knock her out,’ said Gary, ‘rather than making her any better.

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