Hold Your Breath by B P Walter

Author:B P Walter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2020-02-24T17:00:00+00:00

Chapter 23

January 2020

They allow me to have a cup of tea. I’d started crying properly when they mentioned Adah’s death, and eventually DC Malik took pity on me and said he’d go and get me a warm drink. I didn’t know cops were allowed to be this kind to people they suspected of being involved in a crime, but DI Cousins doesn’t object as the paper cup of murky grey-brown liquid is gently placed into my hands. I sip it carefully, trying not to scald my lips. DC Malik takes his seat again and I hear DI Cousins sniff a little and shuffle her folders, apparently keen to get on. After letting me take a few more sips, she says, ‘Right, Katherine. Let’s get back on track, shall we?’

She probably thinks her tone is kind, but it just sounds scratchy and strained, the voice of a woman with a lot to do and too many frustrating interviews with suspects and witnesses under her belt to find me especially interesting.

‘Yes, OK,’ I say in a small voice, wiping the last of my tears from my chin and setting the cup down on the desk. ‘The main thing you need to understand – the thing I want to make clear – is that all this happened so long ago. I was very young, and even I can’t be sure what I saw. Or what I did. That’s why I tried to write it down. That was the reason for sitting down and trying to map out everything that happened. Or at least, that’s how it started. Everything gets blurred the more I try to remember. The whole process was … it was extremely hard.’

Silence greets this at first, followed by another sniff of impatience from DI Cousins.

‘The problem is, Katherine,’ DC Malik says slowly, ‘the coroner’s court has to determine a manner of death. That manner could be murder, or manslaughter, or death by misadventure. Accidental death, maybe. In some rare cases, manslaughter might be committed by someone with diminished responsibility, because of their age, mental state, or circumstances surrounding the incident. But because we have these categories, it’s important we gather as much information as we can to make sure the right conclusion has been made. At the moment, with the information that was gathered at the time, Adah’s death is regarded as accidental. But we’re obliged to reassess this in light of what you’ve revealed. Do you see what I’m saying?’

I meet his eyes and nod. ‘You’re saying it’s important I talk now.’

‘Exactly,’ he says, also nodding, his eyebrows raised in encouragement, as if expecting me to take the prompt and begin again.

‘It’s impossible to be one hundred per cent about a lot of what happened. It was a living nightmare. I know that sounds silly or like I’m exaggerating, but it really was. I’ve been in and out of therapy and counselling of various kinds throughout my life. I even voluntarily allowed myself to be institutionalised for a month in the 1990s.

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