Her Say by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780143774242
Publisher: Penguin Random House New Zealand
Published: 2013-04-08T00:00:00+00:00

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WHEN YOU FIRST MOVE INTO THE REFUGE, YOUR SPIRIT IS JUST IN TURMOIL. YOU’RE THINKING: ‘WHERE AM I? WHAT’S GOING ON?’

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In the refuge, there are courses every day that you can do on well-being, drugs and alcohol, and parenting toolbox courses. They would have daycare for our kids, which gave me time to think about where I was going to go next.

I still wanted to go to Australia. I said to the courts: ‘I’m not a drug dealer. I’ve never had a raid on my house!’ With my social worker’s help, I volunteered a drug test to the courts. I said, ‘He’s the one who does all the drugs, not me.’ So they did all the tests, and when they came back there was one line: ‘negative in all areas of testing’. It took me three weeks to get the order overturned, but it was lifted as soon as the judge saw that result. I had to pay around $800 to get the tickets changed, and I think The Aunties helped with that. I went back to Australia because I wanted my other two kids to reconnect with their dad. Apart from that punch when my son was a baby, Jay hadn’t been physically violent through our whole 13-year relationship.

We had to come back from Australia a few months later and go to court to amend the visitation order for my younger daughter. Because I had moved out of New Zealand, it fell back on me to do it. I had to figure all that out. The arrangement was that he got to see her every holidays, and either Christmas or New Year’s for a week, but it was all at my cost. I had to pay for everything. It was impossible. I couldn’t just leave my other kids behind in Australia, to bring her back, to make it work for him. And the people in the courts said, ‘Oh well, that’s how it is.’

While we were in Australia, my big girl starting self-harming and my son was diagnosed with ADHD, which meant he needed funding for Ritalin and therapy. I didn’t qualify for any of the medical services there because I was a New Zealander. I was making good money as a security guard – $42 an hour. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to have a future and to build a life for my kids. I didn’t want to be on a benefit for the rest of my life. I have dreams, but my kids will always come first.

I want to make good memories with my babies. My biggest regret is putting my children through all that we’ve been through, but I also want my children to have a relationship with their fathers, if that’s possible. It’s really hard. I’m trying to enlist his family to help support my ex so my daughter is in a safer environment when she spends time with him or stays the night.

Every time we drop my daughter off, my son will get out of the car to go and give D a hug.

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