Happy Is the New Healthy by Joan Neehall

Author:Joan Neehall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Forefront Books
Published: 2021-03-23T00:00:00+00:00

“What’s the matter with me?” Marilyn asked me. “Why can’t I be like them?”

When I asked her what she thought would happen if she didn’t go on social media for a day, Marilyn was aghast. She looked at me in shock and said, “Are you kidding me? I need to do that. Otherwise, how will I know what’s going on?”

When I asked her to tell me what social media did for her, she pointed out that it helped her select clothing and accessories to purchase; from the way she presented, it was clear that she believed in buying the best designer label shoes, apparel, or handbags she could afford. She said she learned through social media how to look good. “Good” in this context, of course, meant measuring up to whomever she saw on posts—actors, models, famous musicians, or other figures in popular culture.

“What does that really do for you?” I pressed.

“Well, it gives me a benchmark,” she said. “It tells me how I should live.”

“Does it make you happy?”

“No,” she said. “But that’s not the point. I’m not happy, but I don’t think it’s because of social media. It’s just because I’m not as good as those people.”

Marilyn had worked assiduously at learning to be happy, but she hadn’t felt happy for years. This was a result of her not believing that she measured up to other people. During childhood, she compared herself to others and found that there was always someone who was better than she was scholastically, physically, or in terms of popularity.

“What about relationships?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, “that’s another problem. It’s hard.”

Marilyn had had several relationships that didn’t work for her. She felt that the men she’d dated objectified her. They didn’t see her for who she really was but rather for the way that she presented, which she’d learned from social media.

Through therapy, Marilyn eventually got to the point where she could give herself permission to remove herself from social media. At first she disengaged only for a day or so; then she tried four days to check how she felt. After that, she was regularly disengaging for two weeks at a time.

Marilyn eventually found that without social media, her life satisfaction increased. Initially, she felt scared that she would miss out on important details because she’d grown so used to routinely checking in. Disengaging was a long process for her, and it didn’t happen automatically. Automaticity doesn’t occur with such a compulsion. But it was important for her to learn to check in with herself rather than to check herself against others. Marilyn took thirty days away from social media to break the habit. She replaced it with savoring her coffee in the morning and being mindful. “I’m creating the gospel according to me,” she said playfully.

It’s not only about the various sites and applications people use to compare themselves against others but also about when and where they use their devices to do so.

I recently had a patient who was severely obese, as were his wife and two daughters.

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