Green Light by Jescie Hall

Author:Jescie Hall [Hall, Jescie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2024-08-06T00:00:00+00:00

32

Shane

We ride around town, the streets glimmering in the rain’s aftermath as Montana holds on to me for dear life. With how her body is suctioned to mine, it’s clear she’s never been on a bike before. Her fingernails claw into my sides, her arms wrapped so tightly around me I can hardly breathe.

She rests the helmet against my shoulder blades, her front sealed to my back. The wind rips away at our exposed skin, the chill working desperately to diminish the raging heat between us.

I know she’s enraged at the stunt I pulled at home. Her beloved cello is now a damp pile of ash in our backyard. But something in me needs to continuously cut into her, deeper than ever before, especially after seeing her move along to her next victim. I know that cello cost her her ass, literally, and my underlying hope is that she’ll be forced to rely on me and my help, which is all I ever wanted.

I’m sure she’s contemplating her next move while gripping onto me, planning my slow and torturous demise. That she’s focusing on me at all brings me unfortunate joy. I hate that I love her anger, that I need it to fuel me. But when it comes to her, I just need some form of emotion in whatever capacity I can get it to survive.

The part of myself I want to deny is the part that aches for her again. While slow and nearly unmoving, that steady heartbeat lies dormant in my chest, needing the opportunity to rage all its own. I continuously hate myself for loving any version of her I’ve been given.

Streetlights blur around us as we ride down the bare interstate. I twist the throttle as the roadway opens up, traveling at a deadly speed. The idea of dying together brings me some strange nostalgic lust.

Never in a world without you. Her endless lies.

I should do it. I should drive us off this bridge right now, our bodies falling helplessly to a demise so set in stone. I should end the turmoil. The need to continuously drag her down into the dirt alongside me. The inability to strip myself of this hatred I’ve harbored. I can’t ever seem to eradicate her from my bones. I can’t ever let her get too far from me again. The ability to control our destiny is within my grasp, and it’s giving me a sense of power I lost so many years ago.

Maybe we’ll find each other in another life. But maybe we won’t. That simple idea is the only thing keeping me from veering off this road into a tragically beautiful death. We’re so close. So close to getting it all right. I’m living a life of maybes. Holding out hope for the glimmer of a person I want—a person I need—to exist.

That sick hope has me pulling off at the next exit, slowing as we hit the city block again. There’s a sharp pinch in my chest as we finally pull up to the house.

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