Girl Last Seen by Brown Anne Greenwood; Anastasiu Heather;

Author:Brown, Anne Greenwood; Anastasiu, Heather;
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Albert Whitman & Company
Published: 2016-01-07T19:18:37+00:00

Nineteen

Jude

Outside Mary Blake’s Residence

Thursday, April 5

6:00 p.m.

Christ, what am I doing? I should let go of Lauren. I feel too much, and there’s no way she’s feeling the same toward me. But her body feels so good pressed against mine, and she’s not pulling away. She smells so good, feels so good. Damn it, I’ve got to get myself under control. This was never part of the plan.

I force myself to pull away while keeping my face calm. A small crease forms in her forehead. I look away. Don’t let what you’re feeling show on your face, Williams. Don’t you dare. Play it cool or she’ll bolt. Coaching myself only sort of works. I think I’ve got my mask mostly in order, but if she looks close, she’ll see the sheen of nervous sweat over my forehead in spite of the fact that it’s getting chilly out here. Not to mention my heart, which is thumping like a roadrunner sprinting to get free. Christ, I gotta clear my head.

Out of habit, I pull a smoke from the pocket of my leather jacket and go to light up, but before I can pull the warm blast of nicotine into my lungs, Lauren wrinkles her nose. She grabs the cigarette from my lips and grinds it into the dirt before going to hop on the bike. Not a shocker that she doesn’t think smoking is hot. Lauren isn’t the kind of girl to buy into any of this new cool guy shit. No, she sees me as the kid I used to be. She puts the helmet over her head, but I can still feel her eyes on me.

I stand there blinking for a second because it hits me then—that that was the guy she let hug her—the boy she used to know. A second ago all I wanted was distance between us, but now I want to rip off her helmet, grab her, make her look into my eyes, and say, see me. I don’t care what you call me—Nathan, Jude, whatever—just see me, like you always did. See the darkness too and don’t be afraid.

I exhale hard, expelling the last bits of air from my lungs. Because could Lauren look at the real me now and not be disgusted, even scared? She and I have both changed. But the things I’ve done, if she knew…

I scowl and stride the last two feet to the bike, throwing my leg over. I jam my own helmet on my head. Lauren barely has time to lock her arms around my waist before we pull away from the curb, spinning a few pieces of stray gravel into the air behind us.

Lauren’s warmth is so sweet at my back. The road spreads out clear in front of us, and in spite of all of the shit that’s wrong, I don’t want this moment to end. I want to drop my hand from the handlebar and grip Lauren’s thigh possessively. I want to wrap her so tight around me and never let her go.

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