Frayed by Layne Deemer

Author:Layne Deemer [Deemer, Layne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-11-06T16:00:00+00:00

28

Sometime during the course of telling that story, the air in my apartment had gone stale. I try and fail to suck in a cleansing breath, attempting to push away the darkness that always overwhelms me whenever I let my mind drift back to that night.

I look down and see Lydia’s hand trembling inside mine and wonder at what point did she decide to grasp it and why can’t I feel a thing? My entire body is numb. Sarah is my least favorite topic of conversation, but no matter how hard I try, I can never avoid her for long. She always has a way of infiltrating my thoughts, my life.

I hear Lydia’s shaky breath beside me, and together we even out our breathing until our inhales and exhales are synchronized. I tentatively glance over at her and find tears running in thick streams down her face. There’s a spot on her jeans where a few rogue tears have dripped off her chin. She looks utterly destroyed. This is where things will end for us. End before they even fucking began. And I can’t even feel sad about it because it’s what I deserve.

My fiancée is dead because of me. I am not worthy of finding happiness.

I’m sure she’s trying to get her thoughts in order and working on a way to let me down gently, but I can’t bear to hear those words leave her lips. So I decide on a preemptive strike.

“Listen, Lydia, I understand. Thinking you could stick around after hearing all of that is way too much to ask. I don’t blame you. I’m a murderer.”

“Don’t!” She speaks that one word with so much severity, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. She swipes at her eyes, wiping away the evidence of how my story affected her. When she focuses on me, a look of sheer determination has replaced the sorrow that was there before. “Owen, listen to me. I mean, really listen to what I’m about to say.” She turns to face me and takes both of my hands in hers. Her fiery gaze cements me in place. “You did not kill Sarah. It was a horrible accident, but it was NOT your fault. You are not a murderer and I never want to hear that word out of your mouth again. Do you hear me?”

These are words that I’ve heard more times than I can count. First, from the arriving officer at the scene of the accident, then from my parents when I was lying in a hospital bed. Sarah’s own mom and dad declared my innocence at the funeral home and again when I paid them a visit to say goodbye. Even my asshole brother made a point to tell me not to beat myself up about it. I’ve been told time and time again that I am not to blame for Sarah’s death, but I never believed a word. Not from anyone. Until now.

Her words give me pause. Maybe she’s right.

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