Family by Linda McLean

Author:Linda McLean [Galgani, Riccardo, McLean, Linda and Smith, Iain Crichton]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788502887
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

THE VISITOR

Iain Crichton Smith

Characters

GEORGE

HELEN

HEINE

The Visitor

Night, GEORGE is talking to a long mirror tilted slightly to make the scene look off-centre, a little odd. HELEN is sitting watching him.

GEORGE. Rector, colleagues and indeed friends, I am standing here before you today because I have come to the end of a very long road. I might say weary road but I will not say it. In short, I have arrived at my retiral. Little did I think when I climbed that brae to the school forty years ago as a fresh faced young teacher that this day would ever come. Will that do dear, as a start?

HELEN. Yes, it will do well.

GEORGE. I know that Mr Harper had a few jokes in his speech but then I am not a natural jester.

HELEN. No, dear, you are not.

GEORGE. And after all it is a serious occasion. There are one or two things I would like to draw attention to.

HELEN. What are these, dear?

GEORGE. Well, I should like to see the return of gowns, for instance. I think they confer a dignity and . . .

A knock or ring at the door.

Who can that be at this time of night? Most odd.

HELEN. Indeed, dear.

GEORGE. Still, I shall have to answer it. Is the door locked, dear?

HELEN. Yes I am afraid it is.

GEORGE. Yes of course. It is eleven o’clock.

GEORGE goes to the door. After a while he comes in with a younger, energetic man, with a moustache.

HEINE. I am very sorry to intrude, sir, on you and your loyal wife, but I could not refrain from doing so when I read of your retiral in the local newspaper.

GEORGE. Why was that sir?

HEINE. Oh, I am sorry. Let me introduce myself. My name is Heine.

GEORGE. You are a German, sir?

HEINE. Not exactly so, Mr Burnett. Or rather that statement would have to be modified a little. It was in fact my landlady, Mrs Wilson, who pointed out the relevant paragraph in the newspaper under the heading FORTY YEARS YOUNG. She does not know you herself personally, sir, though she has seen you from a distance. But, to my tale. You see, sir, I was in your class and that little paragraph drew back a curtain for me, sir. You do not recognise me, sir? Madam? Of course, the ravages of time . . . but that often happens with me – I mean people not recognising me. You, madam, if I am not mistaken, taught Latin, amo amas amat, and you, sir – who does not know that? – taught English. I come to congratulate you, sir, on your retirement.

Ceremonies such as these

In spite of appearances may please.

GEORGE. I do not wish to be impolite, sir, but may I ask why you have come?

HEINE. To congratulate you, sir, to warmly congratulate you, sir, if one may be permitted a split infinitive. You see, I work in advertising, sir. An example of my rhymes would be:

Rover dog food is the best

For your dog if he is depressed.

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