Fade into the Bright by Jessica Koosed Etting & Alyssa Embree Schwartz

Author:Jessica Koosed Etting & Alyssa Embree Schwartz [Etting, Jessica Koosed & Schwartz, Alyssa Embree]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2021-04-27T00:00:00+00:00

Every time we used to go out for ice cream, Brooke and Mom would get annoyed by how long it took me to pick a flavor. They each had their favorite, same thing every time, but I would drive the people behind the counter crazy, asking for sample after sample and hemming and hawing until Mom would say we were leaving if I didn’t make the decision in the next five seconds. The stress of it would lead me to blurt out whatever was on the tip of my tongue, and I usually left wondering if I’d picked the wrong flavor.

I wake up the morning of the day my college decision is due with newfound sympathy for everyone in that ice cream shop. I still haven’t figured anything out, and at this point, I’m annoyed with myself.

I’m done talking about it.

I’m done thinking about it.

And yet I’m paralyzed to pull the trigger one way or another.

Even though I technically have until five o’clock to turn in my forms, I was hoping to wake up this morning with a gut feeling of what to do. Instead, my gut is torturing me with the silent treatment.

My phone dings a few times from the nightstand. The beach hut text chain is already blowing up because Ben, Lucy, Curtis, and I are going ziplining in Avalon today. It’s one of the few days we all have off this summer while Tom mans the beach hut with the crew from Avalon. We figured we should do something fun to make it count.

I get out of bed, and the Pit of Doom pools in my belly ominously, like a thundercloud ready to wreak havoc. The house is dark and quiet when I peek my head out, Cynthia already gone for an early morning meal drop-off. I head into the kitchen, knowing I’ll find a breakfast burrito or sandwich in the fridge. But the Pit looms too large.

Deep breath. No breakfast it is. Not even coffee sounds good.

I go back to my room, restless, my pulse picking up a bit. I’m supposed to meet everyone in an hour. In the meantime I should just focus on making this decision.

The problem is, neither choice feels entirely right.

Shut up, Dr. Gold. I know I walked straight into that one. But I’m onto him now. There is no right or wrong is a just a nice way of saying you can’t win either way.

Nerves slosh in my stomach, and sweat begins to pool under my arms. I crack open the window to let in some breeze, but it doesn’t help and I have to pull my hair up, fanning myself.

Maybe the fact that I’m feeling this stressed about the decision is a sign I’m not ready for college right now.

My chest tightens, and I keep fanning my face, sweat springing up along my forehead.

Or maybe it’s a sign I just need to stop questioning things, stay on my original path so I can keep some semblance of normalcy for now.

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