Dry County by Jake Hinkson

Author:Jake Hinkson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Epub3
Publisher: Pegasus Books
Published: 2019-06-28T00:00:00+00:00

Such bitterness. Perhaps this is what Penny sees when she looks at me.

I bow my head to pray.

But what about you, Lord? I haven’t spoken to you at length in quite a while. Not really. I’ve gone through my daily and weekly rituals for the benefit of my family and my congregation. But when was the last time I talked to you?

O Heavenly Father, what can I confess to you that you don’t already know? I know there are no secrets kept from you, only truths that men hide from each other. And so I know I should confess, not for your sake, but for mine.

Should I confess my darkest secret to you, Lord? It’s not my sinful dalliance with Gary. Nor is it the solicitation of a bribe from Brian.

No, my darkest secret, the one that I’ve kept hidden even from myself, is that I don’t know if you’re really there.

Have I ever felt your presence? I’ve begun to doubt.

Am I only living this life because I know how to be Richard Weatherford, the preacher of this church? Maybe. I certainly don’t know how to be anyone else. Could the truth be so terrifyingly simple? That I have nowhere else to go and no one else to be?

I’ve always considered my vocation a calling. I suppose that all clergymen fancy themselves descended from the priests of old, those prophets with dust on their feet and blood on their hands, leading their people through the deserts with nothing but promises. I’ve enjoyed seeing myself that way for years now.

People call me Brother or Reverend or Pastor or Preacher. The word I like is Preacher. A gruff word, an American word, a utilitarian word.

What is a preacher, though? A preacher plays many different roles in many different lives, whatever the situation requires. A carnival barker, a marriage counselor, a businessman, a con man, a philosopher, a medium, a magician. Maybe a preacher is just an actor playing the part of a preacher. Maybe you didn’t choose me for anything. Maybe I chose myself because I wanted to be onstage.

I’ve played my part well. But beyond my performance, what is real? I preach salvation, but the truth is that I see very little worth saving. I proclaim miracles, but I only see biology, physics, and coincidence misinterpreted through the lens of ignorance and superstition. I preach your love, but sometimes the only thing that seems more outlandish than your existence is the idea that you love us.

Could it all, in the end, mean nothing? Would that be better?

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.