Driving Mad by Graham Fulbright

Author:Graham Fulbright
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781783067831
Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd

SECTION THREE

HOW TO READ VEHICLE COLOUR & DECORATIVE CODES

(a) Bansky designer street art: unequivocal statement of originality, exposing other motorists’ poverty of imagination.

(b) Black: driver feels he can cheat death behind the wheel of the next best thing to a hearse.

(c) Blue: owner likely to be healthy extrovert. ‘Too Close’ sticker on rear bumper signals fan of boy band, Elton John and Stevie Wonder.

(d) Bronze: no artist this driver and certainly not ex-military; don’t be surprised to find his or her dress sense drab to say the least.

(e) Brown: nostalgic motorist, yearning for 1930s model with folding bonnet, white tyre rims, indicator flaps and running-boards.

(f) Canary yellow: attention-seeker; would prefer to be seen driving one of few DeLorean gull-wing-door models still around.

(g) Green: driver advertising his or her ecological credentials, unless vehicle gas-guzzler sporting high-performance twin exhausts – in which case, environmentally phoney. Through Peugeot’s seemingly colour-blind designers, Roland Garros promoted at expense of Wimbledon.

(h) Grey: owner economises on car wash expenses and favours low night-time visibility.

(i) Orange: vehicle spray-painted by member of fluorescent-clothing brigade.

(j) Pink: with or without pink panther diamond in evidence, driver has to be female possibly more into Barbara Cartland, candyfloss and marshmallows than into her driving.

(k) Red:owner definitely making a statement with top-of-the-range Aston Martin, Ferrari, Alfa Romeo, Maserati or equally prestigious marque.

(l) Silver: hi ho, looks like the Lone Ranger’s or (for those old enough to remember) Sergeant Bilko’s colour. Whatever, tasteful. Owner has class.

(m) White: denied a halo, some adopt this colour to gloat over an unblemished licence; most take nauseating pride in vehicle spotlessness.

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