Don't Ask: M/M Straight to Gay First Time Romance

Author:Jerry Cole [Cole, Jerry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-03-22T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eight

Angel wasn't sure how to feel now that Ryan was back. Relieved, for sure, but the guilt had also intensified. It was easier to brush off the one-night stands when he thought Ryan had stopped caring. Now that he was back and Angel realized he never stopped caring, Angel felt his wrongdoings pressing on his conscience. The only thing saving him was that Ryan had told him not to wait for him. Ryan had made him promise not to resent him, and Angel didn’t; he resented himself. It was a misunderstanding beyond their control.

They visited Ryan again, and Finn brought his art supplies. While Ryan didn’t have many artistic skills, he spent much of their visit with Finn pushed against his side, shading a tree, and laughing as Finn told him about school. Angel wished their lives could be easier. Not that gay relationships were unanimously accepted, but they were relatively so in mainstream culture, especially in New York City. The military was stopping them.

They were on the phone one night after their visit when Angel finally confronted the topic.

“No one would blame you if you left now,” Angel said.

“I don’t know about that. Have you met Pete?” Ryan’s voice was teasing, but it had an undercurrent of non-discussion.

“ ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ could run our relationship into the ground.”

“We don’t have to let it. The military means a lot to me. It’s part of who I am. Leaving will run us into the ground. This isn’t up for discussion.”

“Ryan,” Angel sighed, letting the word hang before asking, “When are you going to get out of the hospital?”

“A few days, but they say I have to rest, not walk much for another week or so. My mom wants to come home with me, but we’re not sure how that’s going to work out. She’s got a job back in Iowa.”

“You could come stay with me and Finn.”

“Angel?”

Angel barrelled on. “Give us those two months before you’re supposed to start desk duty, and then you can make the decision about whether you’re going to go back.”

“I’ll go back, Angel. That’s not really up for debate.”

“The offer still stands.”

“I voted for Obama; he says he wants to repeal ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’ ”

“I voted for him too,” Angel said flatly. Political promises didn't always mean much.

“I don’t want to hide away, Angel. I need you to know that.”

“It’s hard to feel like that when we have to sneak around.”

Ryan sighed. “So you can’t come to my place— trust me, not a big loss; you can’t meet my work friends, also not a big loss. This is in your head, Angel.”

“Two months?” Angel pushed.

“Fine, two months.”

Angel’s flash of anger made the guilt subside a little. He tried to rationalize his actions. After all, he didn’t actually cheat, because Ryan had given him permission. It sounded weak to his own ears.

Travis kept telling him that he should tell Ryan anyway; Mike kept saying he should get tested. Angel wasn’t sure he liked Mike all that much anymore.

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