Dirt by Sarah Sultoon

Author:Sarah Sultoon [Sultoon, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Orenda Books
Published: 2023-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Three

Wednesday

3:30 p.m.

Lola is running. She knows they are all shouting after her, but she has nothing left to say. How can she take any more questions when she doesn’t know the answers herself? Her mind is burning, every memory tainted, every belief founded on lies. And what is it she’s even trying to preserve? These friends-that-became-family who it turns out she hardly knows at all? Her reputation? Her dignity? Her freedom? If Lola is forced to stop and think about it all for one more second she feels like her head might explode.

What could she possibly say to Tom? That she knew full well how much he liked her, but every time she entertained the idea he became too possessive and controlling? That she deserved more than a relationship based on just being grateful someone wanted her?

And is that why she fell for Farid? Because a man like that could never be too possessive and controlling? Because he was just so thrillingly different? OK, so Lola didn’t think it through. But who does, in the first, second, even third flush of attraction? Why should Lola be punished for thinking the best of people rather than the worst?

And what about Andre? Isn’t he just a man as thrillingly different as Farid? What might Sam say if Lola asked her as pointedly as that? Isn’t it that Sam finally feels in a safe enough place to follow her heart rather than her head – as what safer place could there be where Sam’s family was concerned than in the Holy Land itself?

A sudden gust of wind off the sea blows hair into her eyes. For Lola is already on the clifftop, almost as close as she can get to the edge without falling. A spot where, for the last six months, she’s only ever felt like she might fly if she jumped. But now she feels trapped – worse, almost buried by a pile of lies, excuses and clueless miscalculation.

To Lola, the promise of finally belonging has felt so exhilarating that it’s blinded her to so many other things that have been staring her in the face all along.

These people aren’t her family.

This place isn’t her home.

Lola doesn’t get to belong to something just because she wants to.

She finds the sharp gap in the wire fence, deliberately grazes herself on her way through. The thickets of plants close around her almost immediately. This is the only place she can hide.

Lola tunnels in deeper, tries to focus on matters she knows she can control. This steep slope gets the most light of any on the kibbutz, each row of banana plants lower than the next, able to photosynthesise the moment the sun breaks over the hills in the east. The plants are at their most aggressive here. She pictures them fanned out like an army around her. Lola’s position is a matter of both luck and judgment. She takes comfort in this.

She begins to traverse the hillside, allows one question into her mind at a time.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.